


The Way I Should

by gooberzayn



Category: EXO (Band), Fifth Harmony (Band), Mindless Behavior (Band), Zendaya Coleman - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, Love Triangles, Multi, Polyamory, Possibly Unrequited Love, caminah, grey ace, grey aro, laurmani
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-03 03:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4084513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gooberzayn/pseuds/gooberzayn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uni AU where Ally, Normani, Camila, and Zendaya have all been friends since their first year of college, with Normani and Camila knowing each other before college began. During the end of their third year (the end of the second year for Camila) They meet Lauren, and Dinah Jane. They've all seen each other around campus before, but they've never really talked until Zendaya and Lauren decide to study for a final together. As is the nature with anyone who comes into contact with Normani for more than five seconds, Lauren begins to fall for her while Normani, herself, remains oblivious to the budding feelings around her. She also seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that her best friend of almost three years is in love with her.</p><p>Thank you to Ellie for being the BEST Beta!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface

Dance majors seemed to all be the same at this point. Second semester of college, and Normani was convinced she’d met every different type of dancer that there was. The extra perky ones who smiled, and gave their all, but ultimately fell short of having that special something, but it didn’t matter. They loved dancing. They’d succeed no matter what. The ones who had been told they were prodigies since they were three, and had the most expensive trainers telling them how good they were for years. They get to college, and they rest on their assumed talent, falling short due to a lack of discipline. The cocky ones. Their fates were a little less... stable. Then, there were the few who had the discipline, who were willing to work hard, but who couldn’t quite keep up in their classes. Practicing over, and over again, but still couldn’t get it right. Then, there were the ones who Normani saw herself as. The ones who were good, really good, but not because they were dance prodigies or had a god-given gift that nothing could interfere with. It was because they worked hard. You have to work hard for whatever you want, and hubris will only knock you down. God doesn’t like hubris.

Normani had worked her way up to the favorites list of so many of her professors, and by the beginning of her second semester was an assistant for Dance 1000. She figured learning and going over the basics for an extra semester couldn’t hurt her. Plus, it counted for credit, and she wanted to be out of university in less than four years if she could help it. She had to remind herself that the kids coming in weren’t first semesters. They were the same age as her, they just couldn't get into the class during their first semester. She wasn’t surprised when they came in and learned the concepts easily on the first day. They were all dancers after all. She sized them up, though, and put them all into the categories she’d created in her mind. Keeping special notes on the ones who would work hardest. Giving extra demos to those who asked, and stating her office hours to the class so if anyone wanted help they could come to her. Standard.

What did surprise her was when one of the cocky girls in the class came up to her after everyone had left, and asked her for help.

“My name is Zendaya. I studied at-”

“I don’t really need to know all of your information to help you.”

“Right! Well, I was wondering if we could set up some constant study dates throughout the semester?”

“Sure. Just let me know when you’re free!”

* * *

 

“Mani hated me when we first met! She thought I was the most annoying girl in class!”

“I didn’t. I could never hate anyone... but I did think you were a little annoying.” Normani said from the couch, playing in Zendaya’s hair as she sat on the floor under her.

“You didn’t even know me!”

“Exactly! It was a lesson in friendship! And I’d like to have another lesson in friends cooking for me, Ally, when is the food going to be done I’m starving!”

“In about ten minutes.” Ally called from the kitchen.

“I’m so hungry I’ve been giving dance lessons all day. Kids get so restless when it’s time for finals!”

“And I am one of them. How could you let me take Dance 1000 my fourth semester, and I’ve never even danced a day in my life!” Camilla said, pouncing on Normani, taking her attention from Zendaya’s hair to the girl in her lap.

“Your mom said she wanted me to look after you.”

“That was almost two years ago.”

“Okay fine I thought it would be fun to have a friend in class.” Normani laughed “And it has been fun... for me.”

“And humiliating for me!” Camila whined from her lap.

“You’ve improved a lot over the semester. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Normani kissed her forehead as Zendaya looked up at them.

“And if you need extra help, I can be of assistance.” Zendaya added as Ally came from the kitchen with a platter of burgers, and fries.

“Food!” Normani yelled. “Ally, will you make me chicken wings for my birthday?”

“Normani, I’m not your mom.” Ally said

“Yes, you are!” Zendaya said

“Right. You’re college-mom!” Camila agreed.

Ally laughed. “Yes, I’ll make you chicken wings for your birthday, Mani.”

“Thank you, mom.” Normani said as she put fries in her mouth.

There was a light knock at their door.

“That must be Lauren.” Zendaya said as she was walking to the door. “She’s in one of my education classes I think she’s studying to be an art teacher?” her hand on the knob “Anyway, we’re gonna study for our final that we have in two weeks, because it’s already hard for me to keep up with all of the work and-”

“Daya, open the door!” Camila said, lifting herself off of Normani’s lap and sliding down to lay her head there.

“Right!” she said twisting the knob, and opening the door to two girls in front of her. One she recognized. She had long, dark hair, and sparkling green eyes. She looked a little nervous. The other she didn’t know. She was tall, and had blonde hair with a big smile on her face. The girl looked like a model to her. She was wearing bright red lipstick, and heels with a gold romper on.

“Finally someone around here who’s almost as tall as me!” she held out a hand for her to shake “I’m Zendaya. Welcome!”

The girl shook her and, and she and Lauren walked into the flat.

“Sorry. I just didn’t want to come to a strange place alone.” Lauren said in a quick voice.

“Oh, no problem!” Zendaya assured her.

“I’m Dinah Jane,”

“Cool. This is Ally, she’s our mom” Zendaya said while pointing a finger at Ally. Ally let out a little pout, and laughed. “Nice to meet you.”

“Camila is the one laying in Mani’s lap. She’s our baby.”

“I’m not a baby.” Camila said in a toddler-voice

“Proving my point.” Zendaya retorted “And this is Normani. She is our princess.”

“It’s true.” Normani said with a nod and a smile. “I think Lauren has been in one of my vocal classes with me?”

“We have been. Your voice is amazing!”

“Thank you. So is yours!”

Camila sat up, eyeing the tall girl standing near them “Okay, so why don’t you two go study and Dinah” she stood up from her seat and walked over to Dinah, grabbing her by the hand and gently tugging her to sit down next to her. “Can stay out here with us? I promise we won’t bite.” She said. “Oh, and sorry for touching you without permission!” she quickly let go of her hand.

Dinah smiled at her “It’s okay. I’m cool with sitting out here with you guys.”

“Alright then, shall we go to my room to study, M’lady?” Zendaya asked in an old, british accent.

“Lead the way!” Lauren said, and Zendaya lead her into the bedroom.

She took out her notebook, and they quickly got into quizzing each other on their study guide.

“You know the human brain can only focus on something for about an hour at a time?”

Lauren said after a while.

“Are you saying we should take a break?”

“Just a little one? We don’t have to like go outside and get distracted, but we can talk about something else.”

“Okay. Are you originally from Michigan?”

“Not even. I’m originally from Miami. You?”

“From Oakland. I have no idea how I even ended up here, but I’m glad I did! I love the school, and I’ve met some really cool people!”

“Did all of you know each other before moving to Michigan?”

“No. Mani is from Atlanta, but grew up in NOLA. Her family relocated to Texas when the hurricane hit. So, moving from place to place wasn’t a big shock for her. Ally-”

“Wait, so how long have you known Normani?”

“For about three years now. We had a dance class our freshman year where she was the TA and I was a student, and she helped me stay on top of my game all semester!”

“So, she’s a dancer, too?”

“Yea. Majoring in dance, and vocal music. Minoring in psychology. She’s really special, actually everyone loves Normani... but we should probably get back to studying for the final. We’re almost through with the study guide.”

“Right.”

_Everyone falls in love with Normani_ Zendaya thought to herself, shaking the idea out of her head to focus on passing the final.

 


	2. And I'll Wait

Zendaya walked the platter of drinks back to the table of her friends.

“I cannot believe I landed that last combo right in time for finals, Maniiii!” Camila slurred a little bit.

“This is why we can’t take light weights out.” Lauren said laughing

“No, this is why they should actually card us.” Zendaya said swiping a drink from Camila’s hand.

“Oooh, come on Daya pleeeease.” Camila pleaded softly with a puppydog face.

“No. If we get caught letting you drink we could get into trouble, and I do _not_ want you throwing up in my car.” Zendaya said in a stern voice

“Daya’s our new mommy!” Ally started to chant, and all the other girls joined in at their table.

“Daya’s our new mommy, Daya’s our new mommy, Daya’s our new mommy!” They all sang in unison, giggling

“Fine, fine! I will be the new mommy for the night, and then it’s going right back to Ally!”

Normani pulled Zendaya down to sit next to her, and threw her arm around her waist pulling her closer.

“We’re just teasing, Zennie, we love you!” she said, pushing her face into the side of Zendaya’s cheek

“You’d better. Being DD is no fun.”

“Oh, you’re my most favorite DD. You never drive too fast, and you always give me aspirin in the morning.” Normani said smiling, pulling her closer, and kissing her cheek.

“Well, thank you. You’re my most favorite hangover patient.” And for a moment, Zendaya turned to face Normani. She felt like maybe if she looked at her just right... maybe... but Normani’s eyes were glazed over, and she was clearly drunk, and this wasn’t the moment. It was never the moment, really, but this definitely wasn’t it.

“You should bunk with me tonight you’re also my favorite body pillow.” Normani said, laying even more of her body onto Zendaya’s and pulling her closer.

“Sure, but don’t you drink too much, either. I _really_ don’t want to clean your throw up out of my hair in the morning.”

“Okay!”

♞

“Dance with me, pleeease?” Lauren added as she slowly put Normani’s hands into hers.

“Okay, okay, but you’ve gotta help me up!” Normani responded letting Lauren pull her up from her seat, and walking over to the dance floor when she got her balance back.

This was what Lauren had been hoping for. Though, she was hoping the circumstances would be a little different. She didn’t expect Normani to be drunk. She _definitely_ didn’t expect _herself_ to be drunk. Most importantly she didn’t expect herself to have the courage to even ask, but she could still dance with her, and enjoy just being with her, and no one would suspect a thing.

All the nights spent studying with Zendaya two weeks before the final, and all the time spent getting to know the other girls. Admittedly, she had asked for more study time at their flat so that she could see Normani more. She had been captivated by her from the moment they were introduced.

≏

“She’s just _so pretty_.” Lauren said in a stressed tone to Dinah Jane on the drive back home.

“I saw her. I agree, shes gorgeous.”

“How can you just talk to her so easily? How? You just went right up to her, and started talking about Beyoncé and singing, and she fell right in!”

“Well, it helps that I don’t have to disappear to study with Zendaya... and that I like Camila. No pressure.”

“Oh yea, you and the _little one._ ”

“She’s actually older than me, but she’s cute, and nice... and super gay just like me so.”

“What’s she studying?”

“Gender and Women’s studies, and grant writing. I didn’t even know that was a major!”

“Writing people asking them to give you money? Me either. I wonder if I could use that on my parents.” Lauren laughed.

“She said she wants to go into nonprofit work... I’ve said like three slurs around her, and she’s nicely corrected me each time. I felt so bad.”

“Well, maybe she can teach you.”

“That’s what I’m hoping! She said she’s a feminist, but all of them are.. even Normani.”

“Oh, I know. Zendaya’s been teaching me a lot of stuff. I’m still learning, though.”

“Apparently that’s the goal.” Dinah replied. “But she’s so cute isn’t she?”

Lauren laughed again “Yea, she’s a little cutie. I think you two would be cute together.”

“And so would you and Miss Normani. We’ve just got to get her interested. I don’t think she’s dated anyone in a while. She doesn’t seem interested in that kind of stuff.”

“Maybe she’s had her heart broken or something.. poetic like that.”

“I can't imagine anyone who would break her heart. She’s so gorgeous, and talented. I was in a vocals class with her, and she didn’t a presentation for us on maintaining your breath while you’re singing and dancing. She was perfect.” Dinah Jane said

“You’re right... I can’t imagine anyone breaking her heart, either. What if she’s the heart breaker, then?”

“Could be, but if she is I haven’t heard anything. Maybe next time try to study with all of us so you can talk to her a little?”

“I’ll try...” Lauren said as they slid into their driveway.

≏

Lauren could enjoy them dancing, and it not be a problem. She could pretend like Normani doing an exaggerated grind on her was just fun for her, and not a bit of a fantasy she’d dreamed of once or twice. And, it was fun, it was play, it was cute, but she loved it. This was really the first time she’d ever gotten any alone time with Normani, and they were on a dance floor in front of lots of people, but she couldn’t help but feel like the universe had conspired to get her that moment.

“You’re a baaad dancer, Lauren.” Normani said, turning around, and placing her hands on the sides of Lauren’s hips. “You need to do like this.” she swayed her hips to the beat of whatever club song was playing

“I’m drunk I’m allowed to have bad rhythm!”

“Nope! That’s no excuse. Here, do this!” She moved her hands a bit more forcefully on Lauren’s hips. “Here, you’ve got to move your booty like this.”

Normani placed her hands on Lauren’s tailbone, and pushed it down.

“It’s easy just watch Zennie do it! Zennie!! Boo!! Come here!” Normani yelled from the dance floor.

No one else in the club would have heard her over all of that music, but in about 45 seconds Zendaya was making her way through the crowd over to Normani, and Lauren.

“Show Lauren how to do the thing!” She gestured towards Lauren, still holding one hip on one hand, and her other hand on her tailbone.

“Which thing, Mani? There are so many things.”

“The _thing!_ ” Normani said in a bit of a pout

Lauren laughed “Actually, I’m gonna go sit down for a while. It was nice dancing with you, doll!”

“Okay, but you’re gonna learn how to do the thing later!” Normani said as Lauren left to sit back down.

“You can teach me when you’re sober.” Lauren said as she walked away.

“Do you want to go back to sit down?” Zendaya asked Normani as they watched Lauren walk off into the crowd, and sit down next to Dinah who was all but plastered to Camila’s side.

“Nooo I want to dance now. Do you want to dance with me?” Normani asked, holding her hands out for Zendaya to place hers in them, and smiling softly.

“Of course, princess.” Zendaya said, starting to dance

“See, you’ve got rhythm. We’ve got to teach Lauren some rhythm, Zen. She’s a lost soul.”

“I’m very sure she’d like that.”

♞

Zendaya knew she’d like it. Literally the only person who couldn’t see that Lauren liked Normani was Normani. Normani could never see when people love her, and everyone loves her. They usually fall out of love after long, though. After all of the obliviousness of Normani gets old, and the chase is no longer fun, and someone easy, and comfortable who doesn’t keep them guessing comes along. Lauren would be gone before long. Zendaya imagined, just like everyone else. _I’m the only one lovesick enough to stick around long-term_  she thought to herself. It does get annoying. She imagined, but she could see no future where her feelings for Normani were different. So, she just accepted her feelings for what they were, and left well enough alone.

“Lauren’s very nice, though, isn’t she?” Normani asked, half leaning on Zendaya while she supported her, and swayed to the music.

“She is very nice. She’s always asking about you.”

“She’s really pretty, too.”

“She is very pretty. You’ve got a good eye, love.”

“Are you two doing something that you didn’t tell me about?”

Zendaya let out a loud laugh, because _of course._ That’s Normani. She sees Lauren who clearly likes her, and Zendaya who has probably been in love with her since the day they met, and thinks they’re together.

“What? Why is that so funny both of you are pretty, and nice... and you’re taking that class together... you’ve been studying together a lot...”

“We’re just not into each other like that I guess... other priorities.”

“No higher priority than love, Zennie.”

“Says the girl who literally never dates anyone.”

“Touché... but you never date anyone, either.”

“Well, Mani, if I had a girlfriend right now I might not have time to be your hangover doctor, and she might not like me being your body pillow, either.”

“No, no, she would love me!”

 _She actually would._ Zendaya thought to herself. Both of them would be secretly pining over Normani while dating each other. Not a love life she was particularly interested in. That’s not what Normani meant, though.

“Then you’d have two body pillows?”

“Exactly!” Normani laughed.

“Alright, princess, let’s get you home. I think you’re all tuckered out, and I don't like the prospects of Camila getting another drink while I’m not at the table to monitor her.”

“Okay. Thank you for dancing with me.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. Anytime.”

Zendaya guided her by hand back to their table, and announced to everyone that it was time to go home.

“Dinah’s gonna bunk with me , please?” Camila pouted. 

“Okay, so Dinah’s sleeping over. Lauren, what about you? It’ll be less of a drive for me, but I don’t mind the extra driving, either.”

“I’m not sure, actually.”

“You can bunk with me, and Mani if you want.”

“Yes!” Normani yelled “Two body pillows!”

“Body pillows?”

“It sounds cute but it’s literally just her laying on top of us in some weird position, and waking up periodically to ask me for water.”

“Sounds like it could be fun. Why not?” Lauren answered.

Zendaya was proud of herself for giving Lauren that out, actually. I mean if she couldn’t be with Normani, maybe they could be together. Maybe someone could get to her.

They piled into Zendaya’s truck, and all but fell completely asleep on the ride there. Zendaya noticed that Normani and Lauren were cuddled in the very back, Normani’s head leaning on Lauren’s shoulder with Lauren’s head stacked on top and their fingers laced. It was cute, it was very cute. She felt a pang in her tummy, and shook the thought out of her head.

* * *

Lauren crept into Ally’s room in the morning while Zendaya was tending to Normani. She was never a girl to get a hangover, and she knew Ally hadn’t drank enough for it to actually do anything. So, she thought she’d be a good person to talk to.

She knocked on the door lightly and said just above a whisper “Mind if I come in? It’s Lauren...”

“Sure!” Ally responded in a low, but chipper voice.

Ally’s room was a little messy, but it exuded a calm atmosphere. She felt like she could tell Ally her deepest secrets without any fear.

“Can I ask you a question?” Lauren said.

“You know if I was annoying, and obnoxious I’d say ‘Technically you just did’”

“But you’re not, right?”

“Not for the new girl, at least. What’s up?”

“What’s the deal with Normani... like is she always single?”

Ally laughed “She wasn’t single for 6 months during her freshman year of college. Since then, she’s been single, and I don’t recall her mentioning many relationships before that point, either.”

“Who did she date?”

“Me.”

“Oh...”

“I mean it’s fine. That’s all behind us now, and the breakup wasn’t messy at all. No tension between us at all. Normani and I met at orientation, and just like everyone who comes into contact with her I fell under the spell.”

“How was it?”

“It... was interesting. Not many people understand Mani, that’s for sure.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s pretty oblivious... even to obvious things that you’d think most people would recognize. She’s just not focused on dating, and since she’s not putting those signals out she assumes that no one else is, either. It can be kind of frustrating, actually.”

“Why did you break up?”

“Spark was gone. We were new for each other. She was the first girl I ever really liked, and I had put off going to college for a year to save up. When I met her I just didn’t know what to do with myself and I told her all about how I was discovering myself. Then she told me that she liked girls. So, I took it as her maybe liking me.”

“Did she?”

“Eventually. She takes some time to warm up...”

“I’m not sure exactly what that means...”

“Mani just... doesn’t think of things the way we do. And I know you like her... we all do, really. Everyone knows but Mani... she just doesn’t think of things that way. Try to keep that in mind.”

“I will... Do you thinks he likes me?”

“You’ll literally never be able to tell. You’ve just got to give it some time, and then go for it if it’s important to you. Lots of people give up on loving her after it starts to take too long, and seems to go nowhere.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Anyway, after all of that.. you know I didn't know much about myself, but Mani has always been a very self-assured girl, you know. She knows how she is, and what she likes when it comes to that kind of stuff for the most part. When the spark was gone we both knew it, and neither of us jerked the other one around. Probably why our split was so easy. We had mutual friends by then so after we both got over it, we got close again.”

“You’ve been through a lot with her, then?”

“I’ve been through.. things with her, yes. I know her very well, but I can tell you this. What I’ll never know is if she likes someone. I’ve known her for years, and honestly, as self-assured as she is, you know, she knows _what_ she likes, but I’m not sure she really knows _when_ she likes. You know?”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I think she just... she doesn’t recognize the feelings. She doesn't pay attention to them, because they aren't significant to her. I think she just... feels everything very differently from lots of other people, actually. She liked being with me. She liked it a lot, and I knew that, but it took her a while to figure it all out. Like I said.. give it a little time, okay?”

“Alright.”  
“And relax. We might all know you like Mani, but I promise that she doesn’t. She’s a sweetheart, and she’s got no reason to dislike you. You’re not gonna mess anything up. Especially not now. Really the only way to mess up your chances of dating Normani, from what I’ve seen is to... date Normani.” Ally laughed, and Lauren smiled at her

“Thank you.. for helping me, Ally.”

“No problem. People usually go to Daya for Mani advice so this was a nice surprise... or they go to Camila, and she only has two Normani love extremes. It’s either tell her immediately or don’t go near her, she’s frigid. Neither are quite the right path.”

“Did something happen with her and Camila?”

“Nothing happened. That’s sort of the problem, I guess. You don’t really know how to handle someone until you’ve been there. Camila hasn’t really been there. She’s never even really been in there, you know? Me, I was there for a while. Other people, they’ve been there, you know? At that point where they were just head over heels for Mani. Camila has like... if Mani was a pool she’s stuck her toes in, and pulled them out, because the water is too cold, but every once in a while it gets too hot, and she looks like she wants to take a dip in the pool... I hope that metaphor made sense for you.”

“It... kinda did.”

“Camila really just needs someone other than Normani to turn her focus on. That’s why we’re all so excited for her to be around Dinah. She adores Dinah by the way.”

“Good, because Dinah does nothing but go on about how cute she is.”

“That’s all we ever hear, either.” Ally smiled “But go on, go on back out there. Bond with Normani. Maybe something will actually come out of it this time.”

Ally shooed her out of the room.

**♞**

 

Normani didn’t exactly notice that Lauren had left the room. It was mostly that she noticed the door creaking loudly, and then creaking loudly again, and her head was pounding, and she couldn’t take it.

“No more doors. No more alcohol!” She groaned

“Next time I’ll try to remind you of how this morning is going for you.”

“Body pillows aren’t supposed to talk.” Normani said, pulling Zendaya in closer to her for a cuddle. _I really do love cuddles_ she thought.

“I know, I know. You love your cuddles.” Zendaya said, almost as if she read her mind.

“You always know exactly what’s going on in my head.”

“I’ve had some time to study you a bit. I’m an expert in Mani-ology.” Zendaya said, placing a kiss to her forehead.

“I’d like to take that class.” Lauren said

“You can, but you have to beeee quiet.” Normani gestured, pulling Lauren down to lay on the bed with them. “Body pillows don’t talk, remember?”

 

And for that moment, before they had to get up and make breakfast, before the scramble for summer jobs, and while her head was still pounding, Normani felt like she was at peace.


	3. Running 'Round WIth This One

The scramble for summer jobs was always hard for students, but of course Normani had secured a position as a dance instructor for youth, and she had talked the staff into offering Zendaya the assistant dancing position. The only problem was that she was late.

“You’re five minutes late to this interview already, and I don’t know if I can stall much longer!” Normani whispered from her phone.

“I am walking through the door right now! I don’t know why I woke up so late.” Zendaya ended the call on her phone, and walked into the building, giving the lady at the front desk her information, and apologizing for being so late for the interview.

They told her they’d get back to her. Normani told her they loved her dancing, and that she had the job despite being a little late. She felt a little too tired to celebrate.

“Daya! _Daya!_ Wake up!” Zendaya opened her eyes to a blurry Camila and Dinah standing over her.

Camila crouched down in front of her and placed a hand gently in her hair

“Are you alright, babe? You basically passed out after your interview. You’ve been sleeping here for hours.”

“I don’t know... I just had a bad headache, and I was tired, and now my head feels... stuffy.”

Camila placed her hand on Zendaya’s forehead.

“Baby, you’re burning up. Oh, God! We’re gonna have to do another sickness quarantine!” Her voice was escalating “I’m gonna have to bunk in Mani’s room! Who’s gonna take me to my interview on Thursday?”

“Sickness quarantine?” Dinah asked, crouching down next to her.

“Whenever one of us gets sick they stay in my room, because... _usually_ I’m the one that’s sick. So, it’s the sick room. We all take shifts making sure the sick person is fed, and comfortable. Then, when they feel better they scrub the whole room clean just to make sure any lingering germs are gone. We call it sickness quarantine, but this means I’ll be bunking in Daya’s bed in her and Mani’s room for the next two weeks maybe.”

“I am _not_ sick. I get sick once a year, and it’s always during April, because of all the terrible rain.” Zendaya said, sitting up.

“Well, I’ll go get the thermometer to check.” and with that Camila got up from the couch beside Zendaya, and went into the kitchen. Before long she was back with a thermometer in her hand. “Alright, under the tongue.”

Zendaya opened her mouth, and placed the thermometer under her tongue, waiting for about two minutes before taking it out, and handing it to Camila.

“101.6, mama, you’re sick!”

“But I start at the center in a week!”

“You can’t go around those kids while you’re sick, it’ll just make them sick. I’ll text Mani, and Ally and let them know you’re not feeling well. Come on, I’ll walk you into my room.”

“But I don’t waaaant to be _sick._ ” Zendaya said as Camila pulled her up from the sofa.

“Too bad, mama! I hope to God you’re not contagious or we’ll be making you and Mani’s room the sick room this time.”

“You know you could bunk with me a few nights if you want, Camila. Me and Lauren wouldn’t mind the company.” Dinah said, smiling a little.

“Oh, goodness, can you two get a room?” Zendaya said as she settled down into Camila’s bed.

“We could!” Camila said, giggling. “I think I’ll take you up on that, Miss Hansen.” and she smiled at Dinah

“Okay, you two are making me even more sick. Send a single person in here to take care of me.”

“We... are single.” Camila said, her cheeks becoming a bit flushed.

“Well, you need to get over yourselves, and stop being all... you know! Everyone knows that you like each other you can stop beating around the bush now.” Zendaya said, as she pulled the covers up to her chin.

Camila and Dinah looked at each other, blushing a bit.

“Are you hungry, Daya?” Camila asked softly, pulling her eyes away from Dinah’s

“No, I’m freezing. I need more blankets.”

“You haven’t eaten in over five hours. I’m going to make you some soup, okay?”

“Alright, but I want vegetable beef not chicken noodle.”

Camila smiled at her “Okay.”

_Fucking finally_ Zendaya thought to herself as they left out to get her some food. _I knew I’d have to be the one to get them together._

* * *

“How did I get sick, and I haven’t even been around kids yet?” Zendaya whined, laying in her bed with Normani slowly spooning chicken broth into her mouth.

“Your immune system is probably tired from all of the stress of finals. You’ve got to start taking those Vitamin C boost things that I get for you.”

“But I’m supposed to start in three days!”

“They’re hiring another assistant for the other instructor, anyway. They said he can assist both of us until you start. It’ll be fine.”

Zendaya made a fussy noise at Normani. If there was one thing about being sick that she didn’t hate it was this. Normani was her best friend, and she had lots of alone time with her... maybe some she even took for granted considering how big her feelings for Normani actually were. There was just something about Normani doting on her hand and foot, unflinchingly, and constantly reassuring her that everything would be okay. It reminded her that even through all of her pining she wasn’t seeing Normani through rose colored glasses. Sometimes love is blind, and you turn everything the person you love the most does into something beautiful. You twist things into your head’s version of the truth to make yourself think that they care about you. This wasn’t the case with them, though. She knew Normani loved her. Even though it was not in anything more than a non-platonic way it made her feel good to know that she really did love her in some capacity. Times like this kept her from forgetting that fact.

“Just... _drink_ your _soup._ ”

She folded her arms, but opened her mouth so that Normani could place the spoon in her mouth, and let her sip the broth from it.

“But what if you fall in love with him, and you leave me and don’t come feed me my soup later? Then, I’ll never get better!”

Normani let out a big laugh, but before she could say anything someone came through the door, and answered for her “I think I can help keep that from happening.” Lauren entered the room, and softly sat down next to Normani on the bed. “Ally told me you might need some company taking care of Zennie today.”

“Zennie is my nickname for her you’ll have to get your own.” Normani said

“Oh, sorry. “ Lauren replied, feeling a little embarrassed

“It’s okay she’s just weird about nicknames.” Zendaya said with a light smile on her face

“I just... like having my own.” Normani said, lifting another spoonful of broth to Zendaya’s lips. “I like having them all to myself.”

“She’ll probably give you one in the next few weeks.” Zendaya said after she’d swallowed the spoonful of broth.

“I’ve been trying to think up one, actually. I’ve got nothing! Anyway, if you need any extra reassurance of my commitment to the job I’ll wear a giant sign to work that says ‘I’m a lesbian’ in big bright, neon letters so that he gets that I’m not interested.”

“You know that’s really all I ask of you.” Zendaya said with a smile, drifting off a little “You two can go now, though. I’m feeling a little sleepy. Go bond over singing or something.” she said as she turned over in Camila’s bed, and wrapped the comforter around her a little tighter.

Normani and Lauren tiptoed out of the room, slowly closing the door behind them, and walked into the living room.

_Good luck, girl._ Zendaya thought.

♞

It wasn’t that talking to Normani was hard for Lauren. No, beyond the normal nervousness from liking someone, and talking to them, Lauren didn’t feel any extra pressure. Normani was nice, and warm, and welcoming. She was like a freshly baked batch of cookies your mom might bake for you after a bad day at school. It was just that she didn’t have anything to talk about which made her feel awkward. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing. So, she couldn’t really think of anything to say.

“Morgado.”

“Morgado?” Normani asked, after a few quiet minutes.

“My full name is Lauren Michelle Jauregui Morgado. No one ever uses the other name... it’d be all yours.”

Normani smiled at her “Yea, but I’m not really a last name type of gal. I like _real_ nicknames, you know?”

Lauren giggled “What is a real nickname, Mani?”

“It’s when you think up a name based on their name... or something. It can’t just be a name they already have... and anyway it doesn’t count if you make it up.”

“You know you’re really cute when you’re talking about your made up rules for nicknames.”

“I’m _always_ cute.” Normani said lightly pushing Lauren “And my rules are real!”

“Okay, okay, so what would be your nickname for me?”

“I don’t know. I was thinking of calling Dinah Denny’s because her name starts with a D and she’s kinda the color of a golden pancake...”

“Oh my god. Please do. That’s so ridiculous I love it.”

“Do you think she’d like it?”

“Who cares I love it it’s hilarious, and cute.”

“Good, I’ll try to start calling her that soon, but I don’t know. What are things that go with Lauren? What are famous Lauren things?”

“Lauren Hill?”

“See, that’s too simple.”

“Yves Saint Laurent.... kinda.”

“See! There you go! Yves Saint Laurent. So, I will call you Yves..... Eevee... like the pokemon! You’re cute like a pokemon, too.”

“That is literally the most roundabout way to come up with a nickname I’ve ever heard of, Mani.”

“Maybe, but it’s proven effective.”

“Zendaya’s is easy. It’s Zennie.”

“Yes, but that’s from when I was in my early nicknaming stages. Now, I’ve got to step my game up!” Normani teased. “So, you are eevee.”

“I don’t even know what those look like!”

“I can show you!” And Normani pulled her phone from her pocket, searching 'eevee' in the search bar, and going to the pictures tab.

“Oh, those are really cute.”

“Told you! Just like you!” and they smiled at each other

“Okay, then I’m calling you Vulpix. Those are cute, too.”

“Oh my gooosh now we have matching nicknames! We’re so cute!” Normani said, grabbing Lauren’s hands, and bouncing up and down on the couch.

“You are such a nerd, Normani.”

“Vulpix! Vulpix, remember, Eevee?” Normani softly grabbed the sides of Lauren’s face, her eyes were wide, and half serious. “It is very important to me that from this moment on you integrate calling me Vulpix into your life.”

Lauren smiled, and nodded.

“Okay, I will.”

* * *

“You know, I think she might _actually_ like me! Normani doesn’t like anybody, and I think she might actually like _me!_ ” Lauren said while Dinah sat on her bed as she changed into her pajamas in the bathroom,

“I’m glad everything is going well!”

“Well, I mean, she said she was happy about us having matching nicknames and she grabbed my face and looked me in the eyes I swear it was magical! Now I don’t even know how to act around her.”

“It should be getting easier to talk to her, not more difficult.”

“Did it start getting easier to talk to Camila?”

“It was always easy to talk to Camila. We just... we knew we liked each other, you know? It was kind of like we were already together we just hadn’t fully decided yet. It was really nice. Easy and nice... I think that’s a good sign.” Dinah tilted her head, and smiled.

“What kind of sign is it when I’m nervous, and it’s complicated?”

“... I just feel like however you start things off is how they’ll end. I don’t want your entire dynamic with her to be you being afraid, and nervous.” Dinah’s voice was soft, and sweet, and Lauren knew that she was only doing it because she cared about her.

“You’re right... I’ll keep that in the front of my mind.” She plopped onto the bed next to Dinah, and laid her head in her lap.

“It’ll all work out one way or another, Lo. Just be patient.” Dinah said, absentmindedly playing in Lauren's hair.

“Speaking of shorter versions of names, Normani said she’s gonna call you Denny’s, because your name starts with a D and you’re the complexion of a golden pancake.”

Dinah Jane laughed “That’s actually really cute. I’m her little pancake.”

“You are! She’s so sweet, though. I don’t even know what to do now. How do I change the dynamic?”

“Just... try to treat Mani like she’s a normal person. Don’t make yourself feel like you have to do anything. Just be yourself.”

“I will try to do that... It’s just hard-”

“When you like someone, I know. It’s easier said than done, really, but I think it’ll all work out.”

“That makes me feel better.”

♞

Learning new dancers is hard. Having to teach 30 new kids dancing basics when they all have different dancing styles is also hard. Having to do all that with someone who knows nothing about how you dance is even harder. It was why starting this class without her best friend was so stressful for Normani, because when this guy, Normani remembered his name was Princeton, left and went back to assist her partner, Ade Willis, she’d be back to teaching these kids how to learn from Zendaya, and it’d be difficult. It’d make things harder on all of them, really. She wasn’t upset at Zendaya for getting sick, she knew it wasn’t her fault. Hell, she takes those Vitamin C boost things herself, and she still gets sick every once in a while. That knowledge didn’t mean she was naive about the circumstances, though.

The kids were adorable, and eager, and Princeton was fun to dance with. He’d told her about how he’d trained with Debbie Allen in California, before coming over here to school. He said he liked the cold weather, and snow a little more, she agreed. _If Zendaya was here she’d be yelling, because she hates the cold_ she thought, but continued on with their conversation about... things that Normani didn’t remember. The commonalities between them, maybe? They both liked hip hop dance, and were trained in ballet. They both performed from a young age, they both liked to sing a little bit. Their differences... he drove a huge truck, and she drove a tiny car, in her head she convinced herself that she was trying to reduce her carbon footprint, but really she knew she just felt more comfortable maneuvering a smaller car. Zendaya could handle the big cars. She was a little more focused on making sure her life was in order, Princeton was a dreamer. Getting to know new people was always difficult for Normani, despite how nicely she hid it. They usually talked to her for a while, but she never really knew what to say. She felt bad for never starting conversations, only reacting, and giving answers. She couldn’t fake what she didn’t have, though, and no one seemed to notice or care. He was a good dancer, and she could admit that. She was just less interested in what he had to say, and more interested in how well he did his job.

“I’ve got to go home to check on Zendaya, but you’ll meet her next week. She should be up to dancing shape by then!” Normani said with a smile when their conversation had drained her enough to actually say something about it.

“Alright, cool. See you next week!” Princeton said to her as she grabbed her stuff, and walked out the door.

She wondered if he would be Zendaya’s type. Though, she had _thought_ Lauren was Zendaya’s type, and she was wrong about that. _I can’t ever get the romance thing correct_. Normani thought, and shrugged.

 _If anyone should be with Zendaya it’s Lauren, not Princeton. Lauren is pretty, and nice, and Princeton is a boy._  she thought, again, on her drive home. _But maybe Zennie’s just not interested in dating anyone._

♞

“So, his name is Princeton, and he’s a dancer. He’s biracial like you, but he’s half mexican, half black... He’s trained with Debbie Allen.”

“ _Debbie Allen?_ ” Zendaya exclaimed, and then coughed

“Yes, Debbie Allen. _The_ Debbie Allen. He’s cute he’s got a little afro, but my lesbian status is still completely intact, and I am not leaving you for a California rich boy.”

“I appreciate you for not leaving me. I don’t know what I’d do without having you to feed me broth every night.”

“I’ll try to resist the boy temptation for as long as I can. You’re the only love I need in my life.” and she kissed Zendaya on the forehead. “And I hope you’re not still contagious or I’m screwed.”

For a moment Zendaya could maybe believe that she was the only love Normani needed. Maybe. It’d be a bit of a sad life for both of them, though.

“He drives big truck like you, and actually I think you two might get along well. He seems okay. My eyes tend to glaze over when boys are involved, though.”

“I know the feeling.” Zendaya replied. “I hope he was a good assistant in my absence.”

“He was. I can’t wait to get you into the center, though. The kids are really going to like you, and we can both use the experience on our resumes.”

“I hope so.”

“They will. They’ll love you just like I do! Did you eat already? I brought you a smoothie with immuno-boost!”

“I can’t take that cold stuff on my throat right now, but thank you, princess. You’re always thinking of me.” Zendaya smiled up at her.

“You’re welcome, and yes I am. You’re my best friend. I’ve got to make sure that you’re okay.”

“Give the immuno-boost to Camila. She’s most likely to get sick. Ally will be fine she’s the mom. Moms don’t get sick.” Zendaya said, yawning.

“I will. Good advice.” Normani touched her hand to Zendaya’s head one more time “I think your fever is finally breaking. You don’t feel as hot anymore.”

“That’s because all of you are taking such good care of me!”

Normani kissed her forehead “We’d do anything for you, love. Get some rest.”

“Okay.”

  
This was why, really. Other people can fall for Normani, and leave. Zendaya never could, really. She’d always get back to this space. Whether it was when she was sick, or when she was heartbroken, or when she was feeling down about school when Normani would take care of her, and remind her of how much she really cared. She could never let go of the nagging idea that they were meant to be. After all, they kind of already were... just not exactly in the way she wanted.


	4. Don't Believe In

_Princeton is... nice._

_As far as boys go, anyway._ Normani thought as she watched him play with the children they were dancing with on their break, and they tugged on his hair lightly, and he pretended to be hurt.

 _Sure, he’s nice._ She could let him have that title for now. She knew he and Zendaya would get along well which she needed to happen since the center had decided to give them a joint choreography project to work on for the showcase at the end of the summer. So, she could get through this small little meeting he’d asked her out to.

“We should like... get a cup of coffee sometime or something.”  He asked her, voice low, and a little shaky.  
“Sure!” She said it with a smile, and it was a genuine smile because she knew he wanted to ask her more about Zendaya. I mean, it was right after the program directors had told them all about the project, and he’d have to be working with her closely, and knew nothing about her. So, asking Normani for coffee to talk about Zendaya was really the only logical thing for him to do. Especially if he didn’t want to seem like he was prying. How could she have said no?

**  
**  


♞

Zendaya knew. _She_ _knew_ Princeton was going to end up liking Normani. Everyone ends up liking Normani, but nobody tells Normani that, and she was not about to be the one to break it to her, either.

“Yea, we’re just going to discuss you, I think. What am I allowed to tell him?”

Zendaya chuckled to herself while weakly lifting up from the bed. Close to recovering from her sickness.

“Tell him anything. In fact, tell him everything about me. I’m sure he’ll love hearing any information about me that you have.” The joke was lost on Normani, and instead she only heard pure honesty and sweetness falling from Zendaya’s lips.   
“I’ll try to keep it as private as possible while also letting him know some things about you. Especially your dancing style!”

“Thanks, Mani. You’re really a lifesaver.” Zendaya’s tone was _just_ dry enough for Normani to not catch it.

“Whose life did Mani save?” Camila asked, bursting through the door. “And when do I get my room back?”

“In a few days, I’m sure.” Zendaya answered sitting up, and leaning on the head board. “And she saved mine. Princeton... the guy from the dance studio-”

“Oh, the assistant rich boy from California that Mani told us about?”

“The very one.” Zendaya continued “He asked her out for a cup of coffee to apparently talk about me.”

Camila looked at Zendaya for a second with an amused look on her face. “Oh, is that what he said, Mani?” Her voice was sarcastic, but Normani didn't seem to notice, or rather, didn't seem to care.

“He said we should get a cup of coffee sometime right after we had the meeting talking about how him and Zennie would be working together. He probably wants me to give him all the details on her before they meet or something like that.”

“Yes.” Camila said “I’m very sure that’s exactly what he meant.” She turned to smile, and softly shake her head at Zendaya. “So, Mani, what are you going to wear?”

“I don’t know? Jeans and a t-shirt probably it’s not like it’s a job interview I don’t have to wear a pencil skirt.”

“Right, right, right my bad. Is he cute?”

“He’s... a boy I don’t know. He’s light skinned so he’s got that point against him..."

“Why do you hate light skinned boys?”   
“Have you ever met a light skinned boy? It’s like all of the misogyny and colorism of a dark skinned boy but with more entitlement and even _more_ stuck up. I can’t handle it!” Zendaya laughed hard from the bed

“Daya, did she ever tell you what the one light skinned boy told her?”

“Yes!” all three of them said in unison

“You’re only gay because you’ve been fucking around with them dark skinned niggas.”

Normani added “I swear I almost slapped that boy! But anyway, he’s got a big, curly afro.” Normani’s voice was flat. “I mean he’s cute. He’s got pretty eyes, I guess. They sparkle when he dances or gets excited or whatever.” Zendaya, and Camila looked at each other. “Maybe.” she sighed “If I were into boys I’d be into that, but I really think he’d be more Zennie’s type.”

Camila, and Zendaya burst out laughing.

“What? What’s so funny.”

“You think he’d be Daya’s type?”

“Well... she does like boys sometimes.. I think? Right?”

“Yea, I’m still bi over here, Mani.” Zendaya answered, still chuckling a little.

“Somehow, I just don’t see that happening.” Camila said when she’d calmed down, a big smile on her face.

“Well, she hasn’t met him yet. They could be a match.” Normani said. “Maybe you should give him a chance first? I don’t know...”

“See, now we made her feel bad, Camila. Be nice.” Zendaya said

“Okay, okay! Hm. Daya,” Camila said in a quasi-militant voice “Maybe you should give this boy a chance. After all he did ask Mani to coffee just to ask about you.” She raised her eyebrows.

“See!” Normani said with a smile.

“Yea, I’ll... stay away from dating coworkers.” Zendaya said, resting her tone a little. Making fun of Mani’s apparent ability to see romance between any two people unless it was directed at her was only fun for so long.

“You’re right. That’s very responsible of you.” Normani said

“I’ll find a nice person someday, Mani. Don’t worry about me.” Zendaya said, fluffing her pillow a little as Camila slipped out of the room.

“Good, because I just want you to be happy.” Normani said, plopping down on the bed.

“I’m happy as long as I’ve got you!”

She meant it a little too much, though. A little too much for herself, a little too much for Princeton, and Lauren, and somehow still not enough for Normani to see it.

♞

Normani, personally, felt that Princeton was a little overdressed to be at a coffeeshop discussing work, but she’d let the little rich boy do what he wanted. She could still do what they needed to do while thinking he was a show off-y rich boy who only pretended he was nice, and humble in front of kids. She also admitted that she couldn’t blame him for living the way he was raised, and maybe if she was a California Rich Girl she’d be dressed the same way for a coffeeshop meeting. So, she gave him a break.

“I’m glad you decided to come. You look really nice.” Princeton said, sitting down at the chair opposite of her

“Well, you’ve really only seen me in sweats from dance class so anything would really be an upgrade from that.” They laughed.

“Are you going to order anything?” Princeton asked

“Oh, yea I already ordered my latte, and a chocolate biscotti should be here pretty soon. Anyway, Zendaya was trained in Ballet, and Hiphop since she was like 4. She’s more into the technical side of dance, though. The big flexible acrobatics and stuff don’t impress her. So, she doesn’t incorporate them much, but that’s where I’m thinking you would come in.”

“Right...” Princeton said, nodding slowly.

“She’ll make sure all the quick, tiny moves are executed perfectly, and you can incorporate the big, dazzling moves! I think you two will make a great team, actually. The combination on flashy, and sheer skill will make for a great number for the kids to learn.”

“Mhm.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to know about her?”

“Well... I couldn’t think of anything in particular. We could talk about something else if you want.”

“Right, I mean you two will be dancing together so you might want to know other things about her. The only way to get to know someone’s dance style is to watch them dance, anyway. But Zennie, she’s... She’s smart. She’s studying dance, and education, because she wants to be a teacher just like her parents. She’s really sweet so you don’t have to be shy around her at all! Like if you have a question about something she’s doing or her methods or anything just ask she won’t make you feel bad about it or anything. Also, she’s tall she’s like 5’10” and she does not shy away from wearing heels. She loves towering over people, I guess.”

“Interesting ‘cause she’s so tall and I’m so short.” Princeton laughed, trying to make a joke out of what had now become a bit of an embarrassing, and confusing situation for him.

“Right! I was thinking that! But honestly I think you two will get along really well, and she’s really excited to come in and tackle this project with you. As soon as she gets better she’s gonna be ready to work day in and day out!”

“Well, then I cannot wait to work with her... I’m glad we had this discussion.” He smiled

“Oh, no problem! I figured you’d want to know more about her sooner or later since you haven’t met at all!”

“Right, right!” He answered

“Also, she’s gorgeous so try not to fall in love with her, because she’s my best friend, and I’ll kill anyone who hurts her!” Normani said in a fake-serious tone

“I’ll be sure to look out for that, then!” Princeton said with a smile on his face “Did you maybe want to sit, and like... get to know each other better while we both drink our coffee?”

“Oh, sure! I mean we haven’t really talked since getting the job or anything so it makes sense! Your coworkers should be your friends!”

“Exactly.” Princeton said, cursing himself internally, a little bit, but still glad to just be hanging out with her.

_Princeton is nice._ Normani thought to herself.

♞

“So, what was the coffee date like?” Lauren asked, her voice a little low. Normani laying in her bed on her back, and she had herself propped up on one arm, using the other hand to play with the individual strands of hair that casually fell down into Normani’s face

“It wasn’t a date. We were just talking about Zendaya, and dance stuff, really. He didn’t ask me out on a date.”

“But he asked you to coffee.”

“Yea, but to talk about Zendaya. Anyway, I don’t like boys.”

“Not at all?” Lauren asked, a little bit of hope returning to her voice

“Nope. Not interested in that type of life, darling. So, if you want to meet him I can introduce you.”

Lauren laughed, She’d seen Princeton a few times when going to meet Normani at her job when she had gone just to scope the place out. She knew she was a terrible dancer.

“No, thank you. He’s not really my type.”

“He’s not? Wait, what is your type? I can try to play matchmaker I’m excellent at it.”

“Okay, Zendaya already told me you’re a terrible matchmaker.”

“Listen, that was only a few times. My next match will work out perfectly! I promise!” Normani said, grabbing Lauren’s hand in a pleading manner.

“I’m sure I believe you, but anyway I’m not really... interested in dating anyone right now. I don’t think...”

“Why not?” Normani’s face got serious “Did someone break your heart? I’ll fight them!”

Lauren let out a tiny laugh. “Not exactly I just... kind of have feelings for someone I can’t have right now is all, I guess.”

“Oh... who? Do you want to talk about it?” Normani’s face was sincere. Lauren felt like she should tell her. She knew that she wanted to. She stared into her eyes for a moment to see if maybe they could give her any indication that Normani might feel the same way.

“Um, no. Not really.” She let herself fall back onto the bed “It’s... it makes no sense anyway just me being... hopelessly romantic, I guess.” She said, pushing her hair back and out of her face

Normani rolled over, and laid on top of her “Well, I’m sure it’ll work out.”

“Yea... maybe.” she slowly ran her fingers over Normani’s arm

“Mani...”

“Yea?”

“Um...” she sighed “What happened with you and Ally?”

“Well, Ally was my first girlfriend. My only girlfriend, really. We were really something, too. We got kicked out of the LGBT club on campus because I slapped some white TERF asshole chick for saying she’s not a real girl, and I think after that we just kinda.. happened. It was nice. I didn’t even know Ally liked me at first. I had no idea what I was doing. I felt bad after a while... I never felt like I could be perfect for her, but you know back then... I was, and she was for me. Then, eventually we weren’t perfect for each other anymore, I guess. Ally’s really special.”

“She is.”

“Is it Ally that you’re talking about?”

“No, no! I just... I never hear you talking about dating or anything.”

“I’m just never really thinking about it, I guess? Other people dating works out fine, but me dating... I don’t know. Just doesn’t happen a lot or ever, really, I guess.”

“Is there a reason? Do you not like it?”

“It’s just... hard to find someone I guess. Someone I connect with, and then they have to like me, and it’s just hard, and I’m never really thinking about it. So...”

“Right.”

“You know if you do want to date Ally, or anyone just talk to them.”

“Yea, I’ll.. figure it out, I guess. Thanks, Mani.”

“You’re welcome... when are you going to start calling me Vulpix, though?”

Lauren laughed “Thank you, Ms. Vulpix.”

“You are very welcome, Eevee.”

* * *

 

Lauren slowly walked into Zendaya's room holding a bowl filled with grilled chicken salad and Italian dressing, because _Normani told me Zendaya will not eat it unless it has Italian dressing on it, and Zendaya needs to eat solid foods again._

"She will not eat ranch. She'll just look at you like you have a problem, and try to go back to sleep. Don't let her. She's getting a little too comfortable being sick."

"That's because you baby her." Lauren said in a teasing tone

"She needs to be babied every once in a while she's usually doing so much. Just remember the thing about the salad dressing." Normani said over the phone.

"Alright. I won't forget. I promise."

 

"Okay. I'm taking over your sick shift tonight for Mani. Here you go." Lauren handed her the bowl of salad.

"Do you want to watch anything? I'm in the middle on an intense My Little Pony Marathon, and it's very serious right now so if you want me to stop you'll have to let me know right now."

Lauren giggled "No, it's fine. I like My Little Pony. Fluttershy is my favorite."

She sat down on the bed, and scooted a little closer to Zendaya.

"Normani told you to give me Italian dressing, right?"

"Yea."

"I've known Mila for about two years now and she always puts ranch on my salads, and always has to remake them."

"Glad we avoided that." Lauren smiled as Zendaya started eating the food in front of her.

"Don't worry. She's not going to start liking that boy. She doesn't like boys."

"I know. We talked about it... You love her."

Zendaya stopped eating for a second, then shrugged, and continued on, nodding her head 

"Since the day I stepped foot in that dance class, and saw that she was our TA."

"Do you think you could ever stop?" Lauren's voice was serious, and a little challenging.

Zendaya put her fork into her bowl, and turned her head to look at the girl sitting next to her. "Well, I haven't for three years, so."

"Are you the reason Ally and Normani broke up?"

"No."

"But Ally knew you had feelings for her."

"Ally... is a mom. She knows a lot things."

"But she knew?"

"She knew. But they didn't break up because of me. They broke up because-"

"How could Ally just keep on going dating Normani if she knew that you had feelings for her, and you were her best friend? You two dance together, she uses you as a body pillow when she's drunk? How could she do that to you?"

"What you're really asking is how could I do that to her..." Zendaya took a deep breath "I can't tell you what was going through Ally's head at that time. I can't even tell you what was going through Mani's or mine. All I can tell you is that I cannot break anyone up, and I never did. People break up on their own. If my feelings for Normani make you uncomfortable, then I suggest you get rid of yours to remedy it... because you don't have any control over mine, Lauren."

"Neither do you."

They looked at each other, then turned back toward the television. No sense in trying to move a mountain with merely mortal strength.

♞

Zendaya was glad to be back on her feet in good dancing condition. She was even happier to be instructing Normani and having all the little kids point out that maybe she should be in charge, because she was taller than Mani, and therefore older.

“We are the same age.” Normani said, pleading with them

“No, I think all you guys have the right idea. Daya’s in charge now!”

“You are not in charge!”

“A girl can dream, right?” Zendaya said, smiling. Dancing with normani always reminded her of the first time they met, the first semester they met the, the times spent in isolation dancing with each other, the late nights practicing for texts with Zendaya hoping that maybe if she tried hard enough Normani would fall for her, but she didn’t. She fell for Ally which... was great, but it was her. Being like this with Normani reminded her of the spark, and the sting. She could reign in her feelings just like she did until September of the year they got together. She really could,

“Okay, anyway let’s get into formation.”

Zendaya gave her a playful smile “Sure, thing, boss.” and she gave a solute,

After dancing with the kids she went off to discuss the choreography with Princeton who, just like Normani said, was cute. He was tiny, though. Tiny, and cute, and nice, and an excellent dancer, but he wasn’t her princess. He wasn’t Normani. No one ever could be.

“Normani is an _amazing_ dancer.” Princeton said

“Yea, she is.” Zendaya said back “She’s also a big, giant lesbian so you might want to watch yourself there. I heard you uh... asked her out for coffee to talk about me?”

“...Is that why she didn’t get it?” Princeton said, a bit of understanding rolling though his tone

“No, honestly, if she did like boys she’d probably be the same way she’s kind of just... blind when it comes to people liking her... but even if she weren’t blind to it she’d still be a big, giant lesbian so... your chances were kinda slim either way.”

“Thanks for that information.” Princeton said, a light smile on his face.

“Don’t worry. She didn’t think it was a date at all. So, you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about. As far as she knows you just went to learn more about me, and you accomplished that.”

“Good to know, because I kind of felt like a jackass afterward.”

Zendaya giggled “Nah. I’m pretty sure you’re just a regular ass.” she said, teasingly

“Oh, you’ve got jokes I see.”

“I’ve got plenty of jokes be ready to laugh this summer.”

_Normani was right. Princeton is nice._ Zendaya thought to herself.

♞

“Lauren, I think they might actually like each other.” Normani said, excitedly grabbing Lauren’s hands in hers, and bouncing on her bed

“How do you know?”

“Well, I saw them talking, and laughing! I may have actually made a really good match this time!”

“Normani, lots of people talk and laugh together. You and I talk and laugh all the time.”

“Well, we love each other! Just not in that way. So, maybe I’m close!”

 _That stung_ Lauren thought.

“I just... I don’t think anything will happen there. I don’t want you to get your hopes up about your match being made, and then it doesn’t happen.”

“Is Zendaya the one you were talking about the other day?”

“No, Mani. Forget I ever said what I did the other day. I just don’t see anything happening between the two of them is all.”

“Well, love works in mysterious ways, Lauren.”

“Mani, the quote is that God works in mysterious ways.”

“Well, isn’t God love, Lauren? God is love so, I’m right.”

Lauren smiled “You’re always right, Mani.” lightly pulling her closer and kissing her on the forehead.

“I am. It’s nice to hear you say it.”

For a moment their eyes met, and Lauren could maybe, maybe feel like something inside Normani was reaching out for her, but it wasn’t a big enough part. It was tiny, and low, and whispering, and Lauren was screaming. It wasn’t going to win out with everything else being so loud. She knew it wouldn’t win. Not now, anyway.

“So, when are you going to find someone, Mani?”

“I don’t need anyone. I’ve got you.” and Normani kissed her on the cheek.

Lauren knew it wouldn’t be enough, but in that moment it felt like it could be... for them... for now.

“Good to know, and you’ll always have me, Ms. Vulpix.”

Mani smiled big at her.

_It’ll do... for now._ Lauren thought

 


	5. You're Going Right, I'm Going Left

Zendaya didn’t need the last shot of vodka she’d taken. She didn’t need it, and she knew it. She wanted it. Maybe because it was Friday and she was tired, or maybe because this time Camila had to be DD and not her or maybe because she was not yet drunk enough to ignore the fact that _a drunken Normani Kordei Hamilton has spent all night talking to a drunk Lauren... What was her middle name again??? I don’t care Lauren Jauregui all night, and has not once yet asked me to dance.. and we are at a party thrown for dancers!_

She took another shot. This just isn’t fair! she thought She scoured the room for a bathroom to cry in, because maybe it wasn’t just Mani. maybe it was her. Ally had once told her that if Mani was going to fall for anyone after her, it would be Zendaya, and she believed that. If Normani could fall for someone else so easily without even realizing it, then what did that say? If wasn’t that Normani didn’t like people it was just that she didn’t like her... and it actually made Zendaya feel a little sick.

She heard a knock on the door of the bathroom she was currently just sitting down in.

“It’s occupied!”

“Not for your mom, it’s not. Open!” Ally’s voice was sweet, and stern. Zendaya opened the door slightly, and let her slide in. “...I knew you’d be in here when I couldn’t find you anywhere. I wanted you to dance with me.”

“I don’t really feel like dancing.”

“You haven’t started crying yet so I think dancing with me is the next best thing.” Zendaya plopped back down onto the closed toilet.

“How many times have you found me in the bathroom of a party crying about Normani?”

“Six, but I mean who’s counting, really?”

“You are.”

“I’m not, actually. Camila is. She just told me ‘This is like the sixth time this has happened!’ but she was too busy trying to keep Dinah away from some rude white girl to come help you.”

Zendaya sniffled a little “Good to know you guys pay such close attention to me... She hasn’t asked to dance with me all night. She’s been too busy with Lauren.”

“Then... go ask her to dance?" Ally said

“I can’t she’s busy with Lauren!”

“You are hopeless when you’re drunk. I will let you be sad, or angsty, or thirsty or whatever you need to be about Normani at any time, but what I will not let you be is afraid. She’s your best friend. If you want to dance with her, then ask. You don’t want to dance with her, though, do you?”

“No!”

“No, you want her t-”

“I want her to ask me to dance! If I ask her then she wouldn’t have asked me and I want her to ask me or nothing even matters any more!”

Zendaya was pretty sure she was throwing a rather docile, but still child-like tantrum. Ally didn’t seem to care.

“Well, I just asked you to dance, and you turned me down.”

“Ally, you’re one third of my height, and you have like three left feet and If Normani is falling for Lauren, then it’s not just her it was me. She just doesn’t have feelings for me... Me! It’s me! Why does it have to be someone else?”

“ Okay, one that insult had nothing to do with the statements that followed it about Normani, and two Normani is allowed to have other friends.”

“I know that, but she’s not allowed to forget me... or fall in love...”

“You know how bad that sounds, right? And you don’t even know if she likes Lauren.”

“I do. I watched her with you, remember? I know how this goes...”

Ally stood Zendaya up. “You can’t stop any of that from happening,  but you know what? You deserve some happiness, too... I know your plan was to pine after Normani until you were 115 years old, and die a nice, easy death, but you can’t do that.”

“But I like that plan!”

“You don’t deserve that, Daya... and if your feelings for Normani will always be there, if you truly believe that, then there’s nothing wrong with putting them on the back burner for a while and having a little fun, right?”

“Nothing’s fun without her, though.”

“Seriously, Daya, when was the last time you even kissed someone?”

“I think... when you two were together probably...”

“Exactly! I know that romance is something that you want, and maybe it’s just not here for you and Mani right now... or maybe anyone! But we’re in college, and I promise you there are tons of people willing to makeout with you for at least one night.”

“That sounds like irresponsible, and self-destructive behavior.”

“I’m not telling you to bone everyone raw I’m just saying... look at other people... and have fun so that I don’t have to come fish you out of bathrooms where you’re crying. I’d much rather fish you out of bedrooms when you’re happy... or angry that I stopped you, but you were happy while it was happening.”

Zendaya sighed “I don’t know if I want that. I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Daya, your life can’t be Mani. Your love life can’t be you waiting for her. You’re never going to be happy that way.”

“But-”

“I mean it’s either that, or go tell her how you feel. Rip this long ass bandaid off finally... If you really want to be near her tonight shit! Go! Go sit between her, and Lauren and lean on her, and ask her to play in your hair, and do all the shit she’d have no problem asking you to do, because she’s your best friend. You don’t need to be afraid.”

Zendaya nodded, and opened the door to slowly stumble out of the bathroom. She found Normani, and Lauren, still sitting on the sofa talking to each other, and did the exact last thing that Ally told her to do. She didn’t want to kiss anyone else, and she wasn’t going to tell Normani how she felt, but she wasn’t going to be afraid of her best friend. So, she walked up and sat between them, without saying a word, and cuddled into Normani who, reactively pulled her in, and started playing with her hair... while still talking to Lauren.

She could pretend, like really pretend like they were together. The alcohol wasn’t stopping her, and apparently, neither was Normani.

♞

Normani woke up in her own bed, facing Lauren with Zendaya still attached to the front of her in the middle of them.

 _How is she taller than me but I’m the big spoon?_ Normani thought to herself while smiling and very, very, very lightly stroking Zendaya’s hair, trying not to wake her up.

She looked up again at Lauren who was making very sleepy, smile-y eyes at her.

“Did you have fun last night?” She was whispering, still trying not to wake Zendaya up. She knew that if she did she’d have a terrible hangover judging by how when they got in the car last night all she wanted to do was loudly sing The Wheels On The Bus song.

“Yea, it was nice.” Lauren moved a little closer to Normani, and reached over to move some hair out of her face “You look really pretty in the morning.” Normani smiled

“So do you.”

Lauren looked down at Zendaya. “Does she do that like... a lot?” Her voice was low, finely laced with a bit of something that Normani couldn’t seem to make out.

“She was really drunk last night...” Normani looked down at Zendaya “I feel so bad for leaving her. We didn’t even get to dance. She probably just missed me...”

“It’s not really your job to babysit her at a party, though, you know?”

“She’s my best friend, though. Whatever she needs me to be, I will. She and I are very... I don’t know... I can’t describe it, really” This was spot on. Normani couldn’t describe it, because she didn’t know what it was “But we just are... and that’s just how we are. I mean, you wouldn’t leave Dinah alone at a party would you?”

“Dinah... was... extremely preoccupied last night, and if I remember who went home with who last night she’ll be even more preoccupied this morning.”

Normani smiled “Well, I mean our other friends were there but I don’t know... like I know that we have Camila, and Ally, but sometimes it just feels like... if I don’t have Zennie I don’t know what to do, and I think she feels the same way sometimes, too... and we always dance together at parties, and I didn’t even dance with her.”

“I think she’ll forgive you for just one party.” Lauren said. It was comforting

“I think she will, too. I just hate that she has to...” Normani pulled Zendaya in a little closer to her, and Zendaya, still asleep, scooched herself in more. “She’s mine and I just.. want to make sure I protect her.”

“...She’s yours?”

“I know that sounds really weird, and I can’t really explain what I mean by it, but yea she’s... mine. I just want her to be okay.”

She really, really couldn’t explain it, though. She couldn’t explain why if they were at a party she had to dance with Zendaya at least once. She couldn’t explain why she always wanted Zendaya to take care of her when she had a hangover, she couldn’t explain why, after such a good night laughing, and having the time of her life with Lauren, she still felt a little incomplete, but having Zendaya this close to her the next morning, was helping to make her feel whole again. She didn’t even know why, really, but she could say that Zendaya was hers, and that she was Zendaya’s, and sometimes they were other people but she felt most comfortable when they were one. It really made no sense to feel like she’d let Zendaya down for not dancing with her at a party, especially when they had other friends, other people to talk to, and Normani was sure that Zendaya had been talking to a really cute girl for at least part of the night... but she came back to her... not the other girl.

“It kinda sounds like you two are dating, Mani.”

“No, we’re not. I mean she’s perfect... but... we’re not dating we’re just very, very close. She’s like... my true north.”

“Definitely sounds like you two are dating.” Lauren half smiled, and went in to gently stroke Zendaya’s hair. “I know she means a lot to you... she’s very special.”

“She is...”

Normani felt a little weird after that... like trying to describe her feelings for Zendaya to Lauren had drained her. She didn’t know why. She could easily talk to Camila, and Ally, and even Zendaya about it outloud without even batting an eye, but saying it to Lauren felt like... justifying it or something. Where as usually she didn’t need to justify it... all her friends just accepted it without adding in the dating part.

“Why would we have to be dating for me to feel this way about her?”

“You don’t it's just... usually when people say stuff like that they’re talking about someone they’re in love with you know? Someone they’re dating... that’s all I meant by it.” Lauren’s tone was low, and signaled a bit of retreat which was what Normani was hoping for.

She’d never had anyone do it before, but she’d just discovered that she didn’t like people questioning her feelings for Zendaya... especially when she hadn’t even taken the time to try and fully explain them to herself... and especially not Lauren. It made her uncomfortable in another way that she couldn’t describe, almost like she had to be defensive and fully explanatory. Like she had to get the point across to Lauren that she and Zendaya are just friends or something bad might happen... or like if she didn’t fully explain that to her something might change, but she couldn’t give Lauren anymore information than she’d already given her. She could only tell her how she felt, and how that translated into the real world.

“She’s my best friend.”

“I get it.”

♞

Lauren plopped, face down into her bed, and let out a loud groan, Camila, and Dinah Jane soon entered her room, asking her about what was wrong. Dinah sat next to her, cross-legged on the bed, while Camila sat a little closer, rubbing her back.

“Normani is really happening to you, isn’t she?”

“She really, really is. Everything’s happening so much and I” she turned over “I don’t know what to do!”

“What happened?” Dinah asked “You two seemed really close at the party.”

“We were! We were really close! So close! And then Zendaya came over, and she didn’t even say anything, and she just sat down next to her, and cuddled with her like it was the easiest thing in the universe meanwhile I’m struggling, and nervous just trying to keep Normani’s attention on me!”

“I don’t think she would’ve taken her eyes off of you all night if Beyonce had walked into the room.” Camila said, moving a little closer near Dinah now.

“Well! It didn’t feel that way...”

“It looked that way to me, and I wasn’t even drunk.”

“Well, thanks, but... she’s dating Zendaya. She _has_ to know that they’re dating!”

Camila laughed “I know, right? Except it doesn’t count to Zendaya, because Normani has never expressed any romantic interest, and Normani doesn’t even think of dating like 99% of the time.”

“So, they’re not just playing some huge trick on me?”

“No... it just really looks like they’re dating... and when Normani talks about her feelings for Zendaya it sounds like they’re dating, and Zendaya has feelings for Normani so she wishes they were dating but... no actual dice there that are rolling or anything.”

“But the way she feels about her... she said Zendaya is her true north. She said she was hers.”

“That’s just how she feels, Lauren...”

“I want her to feel that way about me.”

“I will tell you that she’s warmed up to you pretty nicely.. and very quickly as far as warming up goes for Normani... you might just have to give it some time... or tell her how you feel which no one ever seems to do with her.”

“Well, I think that you should just move on.” Dinah said, her voice a little annoyed “I hate seeing you like this, and you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy. Not sad or like you’re not important to her.”

“But being with Normani does make me happy it’s just... a lot...”

“You just... you need to kiss her.” Dinah said

“She can’t just kiss Normani.” Camila said “That doesn’t just happen.”

“Well, ask first, obviously.”

“I cannot kiss Normani.”

“Why not?”

“Because what if she doesn’t want to kiss me back?”

“Then you’ll be heartbroken, and you can move on like a regular human being. That’s what happens! Someone doesn’t like you back, you move on to someone else. That’s normal! Getting caught up in a windtunnel waiting for someone to tell you how they feel about you, when they may very well never even develop those feelings, because they seem to lean towards extreme aromanticism, is not... and it’s not good for you, either!”

“You know I’ve known Normani for years... our moms are best friends, and I’ve never even thought to ask her about being aromantic...” Camila said quietly

“Really? I just thought that... she was?” Dinah was still a little animated from her rant

“Well, we don’t know... she’s never said she was. She could be. Maybe she just doesn’t know about it? Maybe you should talk to her about it, Dinah?” Camila smiled at her

“Fine. I will, but I will not let my best friend keep getting hurt like this... she doesn’t deserve that.” Dinah leaned over, and squoze Lauren’s leg.

“You’re right.” Camila said “I think I’m just so used to everyone acting that way around Normani that I didn’t really remember how terrible it can make you feel...I haven’t really felt terrible since I met you.” Camila smiled

“Okay, happy, loving couple making me feel single as fuck get out of my room.” Lauren said

“No, no, no! Not until you promise me that you’re either going to tell Normani how you feel or, ask her in some passionate moment where you two are looking deep into each others’ eyes if you can kiss her.”

“I am not doing either of those. Ally said waiting might be best.”

“Yea, and they broke up!” Dinah said “You need to be a little more proactive or else you’re going to end up like Zendaya who is, very sweet, and kind, and beautiful, and if she could look at anyone else other than Normani for two seconds, she’d find someone more than willing to love her. I am not letting that happen to you. Zendaya is not your competition, and Normani is not your prize, and you need to realize that and start prioritizing _your_ happiness.” Lauren could tell that Dinah had been angry about this for at least three weeks judging by her tone, and quick analysis of Zendaya re; Normani.

“You sound like fucking Oprah.” Lauren said

“So! Oprah is rich and helps millions of people! You know who you sound like? A sad white boy who is on his way to becoming an MRA, because girls never notice how nice he is by fucking him.”

“Okay, that sounds way worse.”

“Exactly! So, I’m giving you a week or I will tell her myself.”

“A week?”

“Aren’t we going to the fair with the other dancer people next weekend?”

“Yes.”

“Go on the Ferris Wheel with her. Camila and I will run interference.” Camila looked up at her with big, slightly scared eyes “Won’t we?” Her voice was stern

Camila sighed “Fine. We will, I’ll keep Zendaya and Princeton occupied.”

“Right, and I’ll make sure you get to the Ferris Wheel, but if you haven’t told her by the time you get off, I’m telling her. This has like been going on for way too long, and it’s the summer, and you need to have fun!”

“Okay...”

“Okay!” and Camila, and Dinah Jane left Lauren’s room.

She felt oddly, relieved that Dinah was making her say something. She hated drawing this out. It was only making her feelings for Normani stronger, anyway. It’d make it so much harder when she got let down.

**  
  
**


	6. Who Needs It Anyway

“I’m not even sure that I want to go to this thing anymore.” Zendaya said, mindlessly doing her eyeliner, and waiting for an annoying response from Ally about how she’s just going to end up going anyway. She liked to pretend that sometimes she had some self-control over whether or not she followed Normani’s wishes, but Ally knew better.

“We both know you’re going to end up going anyway.” Ally said. _Right on cue._

“You know I could very much not go if you just convinced Mani to not go which should be easy seeing as how we were invited by a gross light skinned boy.”

Ally started to whine “But I waaaant to goooooooooo.”

“But I’m tired, and my eyeliner isn’t going on straight, and I don’t like my outfit, and I’d rather stay in and watch Big Hero 6.”

“Then, stay home, and watch Big Hero 6.”

“But you know-”

“Daya, you’re gonna have to learn how to not do whatever Mani wants you to do some time. You’re gonna have to learn how to operate on your own, you know.” Camila walked in, and went over to Zendaya, wiping her eyeliner off, and fixing both eyes. “Now, your eyeliner is done, and the decision is yours.”

“How long were you even listening there?”

“Only in the doorway for a few minutes, but I’ve been listening to this conversation for years.” Camila admitted to herself that she was a bit frustrated with Normani because of the whole situation with her and Lauren and Dinah making her talk to her, but it’s not like Dinah was wrong. “...I don’t even know why we’ve let you be like this for so long. You don’t deserve it.”

Zendaya was silent. _First Ally, now Camila._

“Well, we’ve all been there.” Zendaya said, in a rather quiet tone.

“Yea, _been._ And you need to have been... I mean I want you to come tonight, but I want you to be able to make decisions not based on Normani, too.”

The room was quiet before Normani walked in.

“Why does it feel so awkward in here?”

Her friends were still quiet.

“Are we not going to the thing anymore?”

“No, we’re still going.” Camila said “Zendaya’s just wondering whether or not she still wants to go.”

 _Here comes the whining_ Zendaya thought

“But Zennie it won’t be as fun withoooout yooooooou.” Normani scuffled next to her and latched onto her arm “You haaaave to.”

“I’m gonna go.” Zendaya said, trying to give Normani some relief.

“I thought you said you were tired and wanted to watch Big Hero 6?” Camila said in a stern voice. Ally’s face dropped and Zendaya gave Camila possibly the worst stare that she could muster at that moment

“ _I said I’ll go._ ”

“But you just said, not ten minutes ago, that you didn’t want to.”

“Camila-” Zendaya started but Camila cut her off

“I’m just saying you don’t have to go if you don’t want to go just because M-”

“ _Camila._ ” Ally’s voice was stern, and unforgiving. Camila sighed, and left the room with a sharp “Fine!” escaping from her mouth

Normani looked down at her hands, and then back over at Zendaya

“Zennie, we can stay home if you really want to. I don’t mind watching Big Hero 6 with you.” She smiled at her

“Thanks, Mani,” she started to keep in what she was about to say, and she almost did, but in actuality Camila had made her a little mad, because she knew she was right “but if you stay here with me, that kinda defeats the purpose.” And she got up, and left the room.

Normani turned to Ally “What is she-” she was cut off by a loud knock on the door.

_Oh, great_ Zendaya thought as she went to open the door.

“Hey, Zendaya!” Dinah Jane smiled at her and gave her a hug.

“Hey, girl. Your girlfriend is in her room, I think.” Zendaya smiled back as Dinah Jane walked through to Camila’s room, then Lauren stepped inside

“Zendaya.”

“Jauregui.”

“The formality isn’t necessary.”

“You know, you’re right, but honestly I’m not in a good enough mood to pretend to be nice to you right now.” She plastered on a large fake smile.

“Oh, well maybe if you’re feeling bad then you should stay home.” Lauren said in a fake-concerned, and condescending tone.

“I would but Camila already did my eyeliner, and I’d hate to waste it.”

Normani walked out into the room.

“Lauren!” Zendaya, half-relieved and half-annoyed, left promptly to go to her room.

Ally entered a little while after her.

“Being upset isn’t going to solve anything.”

“I know.”

“Especially not with Lauren.”

“I know.”

“And it’ll raise your blood pressure.”

“I know, Ally. _I know_.”

“But if it gets us to move from where we are now, then get even madder.”

Zendaya turned to look at her. Ally, her mom for all intents and purposes, who was guiding her to be happy as best she knew how. _Sometimes parents aren’t perfect,_ she thought, _but she’s been in my corner this whole time... as best she could be, while keeping neutrality._ She smiled at her

“I’m not mad at Lauren or Normani I’m.. mad at me.”

“I know.”

♞

Normani was happy to see Lauren, but distracted by what Zendaya had said to her.

 _Why doesn’t she want to go if I’m going? What did I do?_ She could tell that Lauren knew she was distracted as they rode in Ally’s SUV to the fair. She kept playing in her hair, and trying to get her attention, but the only thing that could have gotten her attention was Zendaya, and she knew shouldn’t talk to her now. Not now that they were on their way there. Not now when they were going to meet Princeton, and some other dancers, and friends of his. Not now when Zendaya didn’t even want to go, ...but she was still going? And Normani didn’t even know why? Maybe she wanted to go, but didn’t want Normani to come. She felt her eyes water and little, and took a sip of water that Lauren offered to her to calm herself down. Her best friend, sitting up front silent, only responding to Ally when she made smalls jokes. Camila was sending out weird energy toward her, too. She was being silent, and moving as close to Dinah as possible. It wasn’t like Camila to be completely silent on the way to something that was more than five seconds away, and even that was a stretch. The entire car was filled with a very weird energy that Normani knew was directed at her. She just didn’t know why. Everyone, even Dinah, felt weird. The only one who felt completely warm, and welcoming was Lauren. So, she turned into her, and breathed deeply, and tried to calm herself down before they got to the fair. _Why is everyone mad at me?_ She went over the past week over, and over in her head trying to analyze all of her behavior, and figure out why her friends didn’t want her around. She couldn’t think of anything which really just made her feel even worse.

They all got out of the vehicle kind of silently with Zendaya quietly following behind Ally, and Princeton waiting with some other dancers, and a new, taller boy. Normani grabbed Lauren’s hand, and pulled her over to him with her. She’d take any excuse to get away from the tension building between her friends, even if it meant talking to a boy.

“So, this must be the one doing the solo in the water tonight?” Normani smiled up at the boy who looked shy, and quiet. She could deal with a boy who was shy, and quiet.

“Yep, he’s going on in the middle of our performance.” Princeton smiled. “This is my friend Kai.”

Kai stepped forward, and smiled, holding out a hand for Normani to shake.

“Hi, I’m Normani.” she shook his hand

“I’m Kai.”

“How tall are you?” she asked, trying to see if he was taller than Zendaya since she couldn't compare them side by side at the moment.

It seemed to take him a quick second to process the question before he answered “182 centimeters.” with a smile

“How much is that in feet?” Lauren asked, and Princeton quickly interjected

“He’s about six feet tall... they measure height by centimeters in South Korea.”

“Oh.” Lauren said, a little embarrassed   
“I just.. assume everyone is from America I’m sorry.”

“Camila’s not from America.” Normani said

“Again, I am proven wrong.” Lauren smiled. Normani smiled back at her.

“Are you only here for a little while, or did you just move here?” Normani asked Kai

“Just for a little while.” Kai smiled. He seemed really nice.

Zendaya walked up behind her silently, and said hi to Princeton.

“Can’t believe you two aren’t joined at the hip tonight.” Princeton said, talking to Normani and Zendaya

“Well, we are separate people.” Zendaya said in a light tone. Normani still didn’t know what was going on, but she let out a small laugh to be polite, and not signal to Princeton that anything was wrong.

“Zennie, this is Kai. Kai, this is Zendaya. She’s going to be performing with us tonight. Princeton, can we have the armbands?”

“Um, yea.” Princeton left for a few minutes, and came back with a bag that he reached into, pulling out a handful of armbands. Normani handed them to Lauren.

“You should make sure everyone gets these so that they know you’re with us. Me and Zennie have passes with our faces on them.”

“Okay!”

“We’ll see you guys after the performance.” Normani hugged Lauren, her last piece of comfort, and let her go with their friends.

She looked over, and Zendaya was already laughing with Kai who was smiling big. She hoped he was making her feel better even though she knew he had no idea that anything was wrong.

Princeton slowly approached Normani from the side, and rested his chin on her shoulder

“Are you two okay?”

Normani turned to him, and her eyes started to water a little bit more. “I... I don’t know. I don’t think so.” a big tear rolled down her face, and Princeton wiped it off with his sleeve. Her grabbed her hand.

“Don’t worry. We’ll dance all that away, okay?”

She smiled, and nodded.

“Let’s go practice.” Princeton said, and pulled her backstage to rehearse before Zendaya or any of the other dancers would be thinking about it. He made her feel better, relieved. She didn’t only have Lauren.

Dancing on the stage, doing the choreography without Zendaya laughing back at her was a weird, and unwelcomed feeling, but Zendaya didn’t seem mad, she seemed distracted, just like she’d been in the car earlier. Maybe they were both distracted with each other.

When they finished all of them gathered to watch Kai’s solo. Normani remembered how Zendaya couldn’t keep her eyes off of the stage and, mindlessly leading Normani to Kai when he was all dry, and pushing them hanging out together that night. Zendaya seemed pleased by it. She still barely paid Normani any attention, but she seemed okay. She was smiley and giggly all night. So, Kai must have been doing something right.

♞

Normani had been acting weird all night, but when Zendaya was distracted by Kai she seemed more focused. Lauren liked that. Maybe Dinah Jane and Camila wouldn’t even have to run interference with Zendaya and Princeton who had seemed to be laughing with Ally all night.

“Let’s go on the Ferris Wheel!” Dinah yelled, pulling Camila with her. _Subtle enough, Dinah._ Lauren thought.

“Does anyone else want to go? There’s enough of us to pair off!” Dinah yelled to the crowd of kids who had been mostly playing games all night, and grouping off, waiting for some to get off of big scary rides, and continuously regrouping. Taking parts, and more parts, and never actually doing anything all together, but waiting for each other, and now, now going on the Ferris Wheel... possibly. Lauren could see that if she got Normani, which seemed most likely, as Zendaya had barely come near her the whole night, Kai and Zendaya would be together, and Ally and Princeton, and Dinah and Camila. There’d be no excuse for her to not do what she needed to, but she couldn’t say anything. If she did everyone would know it was for her, because Dinah was her best friend. Camila couldn’t say anything, either, because then someone could just say that only the two of them should go, and they’d have another parting problem. She needed someone to get them all to go, and it couldn’t be any of the three people who knew why they were really going. If Zendaya went then Kai would go but that doesn’t mean everyone else would go, and she just couldn’t kiss Normani on a Ferris Wheel with everyone else looking up at them. She knew she couldn’t.

“Yea, we should all go!” Ally yelled.

_Maybe she’s a little psychic._

Normani turned to her “Do you want to go?”

“Yea!” Lauren’s voice was a little more high pitched than she would have liked at that point, and before she knew it, Dinah was looking back at her with a smile, and they were all boarding in pairs; Dinah with Camila, Normani with Lauren, Princeton with Ally, and Kai with Zendaya.

Lauren felt her tummy grow more, and more knotted the higher they all went up.

“It’s really cold up here.” Normani said, scooting a little closer to Lauren.

Lauren shivered a little.

“I see you’re cold, too.” Normani pulled her in a little closer.

Lauren let out a laugh. “No, it’s not that.” she sighed, and pushed Normani away so that she could look at her. She grabbed her hands.

“Mani, do you like people?”

Normani looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... are you like aromantic?” her voice was shaky, but somehow asking her this was easier than asking her for a kiss. She felt her eyes water the more and more nervous she got.

“Because... because I am absolutely 6 feet pit deep in love with you and you don’t even know, or notice. And I just... I need to know what this is, because I feel this horrible feeling like I’m slowly collapsing, or, burning, but I like it, all because of you... and I don’t like it... but I do.” a tiny laugh came out at the end.

“I never thought about it, I mean. I definitely know that I’m asexual, but I’ve definitely had very big romantic feelings for Ally so maybe I am? Maybe grey romantic?”

“And how do you feel about me?”

Normani looked down, and laced their fingers, the cold air blowing hard in her face, and her eyes watered a little, too. “I never really thought about it that much, really... but I don’t know.”

Normani frowned, and looked back up and Lauren. “Which really upsets me! I should know how I feel about you, right? If it’s not one thing it should be another, right?” Normani pulled Lauren a little closer, and Lauren felt even worse than before, somehow.

“Mani, you can’t keep me like that.”

“I’m not trying to.”

“One of us is going to have to make a decision, and I was somehow hoping it would be easier if it was you” her voice got higher, tears and phlegm choking her throat “Because then we could just move on from this one way or another!” 

And now Normani was really crying “I’m sorry... I wish I knew... I wish...” she looked down into her lap.

“No, Normani, don’t... you’re fine.” Lauren lightly grabbed her face, and wiped her tears with her thumbs, angling her so that she could look her in the eyes. “I’m just a little frustrated, because I’ve been feeling this way for a while.”

Both of their voices were scratchy and high

“I don’t want you to feel bad because of me.”

“I don’t.” she sniffled “I feel bad because of me. You can’t do anything about that.”

Normani moved her face a little closer, cautiously placing her hands on Lauren's waist “Lauren, can I-”

“Yes.” she somehow knew what she meant before she finished, and Normani pulled her in.

It wasn’t like she’d imagined it, kissing Normani. She didn’t think they’d be crying, for one. She didn’t think Normani would ask her, for two. She thought she’d feel relieved, she thought the nervousness in her stomach would have subsided, she thought she’d be the one pulling Normani in closer instead of the other way around, she thought it’d be quicker, she thought it'd have less passion, less meaning, and more of a meaning than an “I don’t know.” she thought it’d mean she had all of the answers, and this was just a seal, but it wasn’t. It was confusion, and don’t let go, and you’re all I want, and I can’t lose this, and maybe I don’t want to, and maybe I should have thought about it more, and it’s okay, and I think I want this, and I hope you do, and I love you, and I love you, and we can do this but I might need time. It wasn’t perfect, it was them. It was too, too, too much, and not enough at all, and then end of it was breathless, and panting, pulling each other back in, and Normani smiling and looking down in the seats below them, and Lauren feeling like her night was over the second it had started.

♞

Kai had whispered to Zendaya that he thought Normani was pretty within five seconds of Normani disappearing from their presence, and it was the exact opposite of what she’d wanted to hear so she immediately removed the thought from his head

“Yes, she’s a lesbian sorry.”

“Oh.” Kai responded quickly.

_No more blood._

But the rest of the night he was sweet, and kind, and won her a teddy bear by the grace of God, because he seemed to be pretty terrible at every game, but he liked her, and she knew it.

So, she didn’t think of Normani when they got on the Ferris Wheel together. Nor did she think of Normani when he held her hand and they laced their fingers together. She didn’t think of Normani when she moved in closer to him. She didn’t think of Normani when she was staring into Kai’s eyes and smiling, and he was smiling back at her, even though neither of them were saying anything. She didn’t think of Normani when he pulled her any closer, and nervously asked if he could kiss her. She didn’t think of Normani when her fingers were tangled through his hair, and his fingers were gently pressed into her hips. She didn’t think of Normani when he they moaned into each other’s mouthed like this was the first kiss they’d ever had, and she didn’t think of Normani when she was trying to pull Kai in closer, closer, closer, and he was holding on to her like he’d never get the chance again.

She didn’t think of Normani.

For the first time in years _she didn’t think of Normani._

♞

Normani stomped off of the Ferris Wheel, slamming the door closed behind her. When Zendaya’s cart came down, and opened, she all but ripped her off of the seat.

“You kissed him?”

Zendaya was a little dumbfounded. “What?”

“You kissed him.” Normani was screaming, and crying “You haven’t talked to me all night, and you kissed him? You don’t even know him!”

“I can kiss who I want, Normani, what is wrong with you.” She said it as a statement, not a question.

“Why did you kiss him?” Normani was still shouting.

“You pushed him on me earlier tonight remember?” And now Zendaya was shouting back

“I didn’t know you two would get so close in one night!”

“And if we’d gotten closer?”

“Why are you being like this tonight?”

“Why are you being like this, Mani, what is wrong with you?” This time, though, it was a question.

“I was perfectly fine until you kissed him!”

“I can do what I want, Normani! You’re not my girlfriend!”

“I know!”

“Then why are you acting like this?”

“Because, you didn’t talk to me all night, and you’ve been mad at me since before we left, and you didn’t even want to come if I was coming, and then we get on the Ferris Wheel, and you kiss him!”

“You two need to calm down.” Ally said

“No!” Normani said

“Mani, we are not dating!” 

Normani took a deep breath, and waited a second. She steadied her voice

“I know.”

and Zendaya lowered her voice, too

“Are you sure?”

Normani sniffed, her voice low

**  
“I... I don’t think so...”**


	7. Show You What You're Missing

“I’ve been having a lot of fun with you, but I’m a trans **lesbian.** Emphasis on the _ lesbian, _ Princeton.” Ally said, smiling nicely.

“I’m so sorry. I thought Zendaya told me something about you dating guys in the past.” His voice was low, and shaky.

“I mean, sexuality is fluid and I’m just really, nor have I been in a long time, feeling boys as a general concept.”

“That’s cool.” Princeton smiled back. Zendaya figured he was no doubt feeling the sting of rejection again. First Mani now Ally. She turned her focus back to Kai for the rest of their double date that was quickly turning into a four friend gathering instead of two couple sort of thing.

Kai made a pained face at her across the table and she shook her head, smiling.

 

“Let’s try to leave them alone for a little while. I’m sure they’ll be okay.” Kai said, softly pulling Zendaya a little farther away from Ally and Princeton, to a quieter part of the park. The air was warm, and sweet, and she knew that he was leaving soon, and she was sad about it, but he did, after all, have a whole life in South Korea to get back to. He promised to try and visit as soon as he could, though.

“You are just trying to get me alone so you can kiss me again. I know you better than that.”

Kai leaned in and pecked her on the lips.

“You’re right.” And Zendaya pulled him back closer 

“Good plan.” She whispered against his lips before kissing him again.

“Z, the time I’ve spent with you has been so great. You’ve really made America so special to me, and I’ve been here many times before...”

“Well, I’ve never been to South Korea, but it’ll always have a special place in my heart because of you.”

Kai smiled at her. Ugh, she loved that smile. The smile that made her forget all about the three-way drama that she was purposely ignoring for weeks that was happening between her and Normani. The smile that always meant a surprise was coming. The smile that always meant _I’m so happy to be here with you_. She couldn’t believe that in just a few short hours she wouldn’t be able to wake up to that smile anymore.

“I love your smile. I’m going to miss it.”

“I am going to miss those eyes... and that nose, and your cheeks, and especially those eyebrows.” Zendaya laughed at him.

“I get it. You’re obsessed with me.” She said sarcastically.

“Who wouldn’t be?” And he kissed her again.

 

She sighed and leaned on his chest. “I don’t want you to go.” She frowned

“I don’t want to go... Which is saying something because I really miss my dogs.” He laughed

“Well then I guess I'll just have to come with you.”

“That sounds like the best plan.” Kai said, rubbing her back, entertaining the thought of something that they both knew wouldn’t happen.

“So, I’ll be on your plane, then? In the seat right next to you?”

“Yep. Right next to me.” Kai said, kissing her head.

 

♞

Normani sat quietly in her room, alone, waiting to hear Zendaya and Ally open the door. She didn’t want to watch anything, she didn’t want to eat anything, she just wanted to watch the clock until he was gone. Until Zendaya couldn’t be distracted from her anymore.

***

_ “I’m sorry, Mani, but I like him, and he’s only going to be here for a little. I’ve been focused on you and your feelings for too long, and I just need to focus on mine for right now. We can talk about all of this when he’s gone.” _

***

Normani squoze her eyes shut remembering Zendaya’s words to her. They hadn’t spoken much after that. She’d been spending a lot of time at Lauren and Dinah’s, and when she was home she’d taken to staying in Camila’s room because sometimes _he_ would be in their room with Zendaya, and she really couldn’t deal with that. Tonight, though, they could finally talk. She didn’t exactly know what she’d say, but she could try.

***

_ “You know, I’ve been thinking about what to say to her ever since that night, and I still can’t think up anything.” Normani said to Lauren earlier _

_ “It seems like it’s going to be the same thing you said to me, and we’ve been working on it. So, you’ll be able to work on it with her, too.” _

_ “Yes, but Zendaya’s not like you. She’s... sensitive... she needs me, and I need her, and now she’s with him, and I hate him, because I miss her, and... what if after he leaves she realizes that she never really liked me as a friend... only as a girlfriend... and then she just... she just stops caring about me?” _

_ “I don’t think that would happen. She loves you romantically, yes, but you’re still her best friend, and you two just have some talking to do, that’s all.” _

_ “I know but-” _

_ “Normani. You’ve got to go home, wait for her to get there, and then try to talk to her. I know you don’t like him, but Zendaya really likes, maybe even loves Kai, and he’s leaving her probably forever... she’s going to need her best friend back after that.” _

_ “I just wish she needed me the whole time...” _

***

Normani heard the front door open, and then keys lock it. She expected to hear the door of her room open, and for Zendaya to come inside, but instead she heard another door close. She knew it couldn’t have been Camila’s because she specifically remembered Camila telling her that she would be staying with Dinah. So, she texted Ally.

 

A few minutes later her door opened, and Ally quietly closed it behind her. She sat down on the bed next to Normani, and held her hands.

“She’s really sad, Mani. She cried the entire time back from the airport. He cried before we left, too. I know you don’t like him, but she’s really sad, and I don’t think she’s going to be able to talk to you tonight.”

 

Normani’s heart sank. She felt tears well up in her eyes, and she knew the words that were about to come out of her mouth would be high pitched and a little hoarse

“But I need her, Ally. I can’t... I can’t not have her for one more night I’ll die. I will.”

“Mani, you won’t. And I know, but... she just needs to be sad right now. To not think about any drama between you two, and to just... be sad... over a boy... A terrible idea, I know, but he’s a pretty good boy. I promise.”

Normani’s voice started to stutter “Then, can I just... see her? Please?”

Ally sighed. “If both of you are crying in one room then at least I can comfort both of you.”

“I’m going into my room with Zendaya... If you come in that’s fine, but give yourself some time to calm down, don’t talk about what happened at the fair, don’t do anything but support her, and if she wants you to leave, you’ve got to go.”

Normani nodded “Okay.”

 

Ally left, and Normani took a deep breath. She got up, and went to Ally’s door, but slowly backed away before she started to open to door.

 

She went into the kitchen, and instead started to bake cookies.

_At least this way if she’s sad I can give her something_ she thought.

 

When the cookies were done she carefully arranged them Zendaya’s Baymax plate, and walked to Ally’s door, slowly turning the knob, and walking inside.

 

Zendaya turned to see who it was.

“Mani, I’m-”

“I promise we don’t have to talk about anything I just... I brought cookies! ... I wanted to make sure you were okay... I know it must be hard... to lose someone you really care about...”

Zendaya smiled a little at her, Normani noticed some tears welling up in her eyes, and went over to her. 

“It’s okay to cry, but you know you don’t have to cry on my account.” She softly wiped a tear as it rolled down Zendaya’s cheek, and sheepishly offered her a cookie. “I just want you to do whatever you need to... take as much time as you need...”   
Zendaya took the plate of cookies out of Normani’s hands, and placed them on the bed. She nudged herself onto Normani’s lap, and wrapped her arms around her, crying a little more.

“I missed you so much.”

Normani felt relief rush through her body. She wished, she’d _wished_ for so long that she didn’t cause a scene or get angry that night at the fair. She wished she could’ve been there, listening to everything Zendaya had to say about Kai, every date they had, every time they kissed, how she felt about him, how he made her laugh. She wished she had been there instead of messing everything up.

“I missed you, too.” She said back, holding Zendaya tight, and crying a little herself. She let out a deep sigh.

“How was the day with him?”

Zendaya smiled, and looked up at her. “It.. was perfect. He was such a giant dork, and so cute... and Princeton asked Ally to be his girlfriend.”

“Oh my god no!”

“He did!”

“He’s really sweet, but I’m not feeling boys at all...” Ally interjected

“First you now Ally! Poor kid.” Zendaya said “...but Kai was... he was sweet... I would’ve gone.. He would’ve stayed... if things were different...”   
“I wish they were...” Normani said, smiling sweetly at her

“You don’t have to say that... I know you were waiting on him to leave.”

“I wasn’t waiting on him to leave I just... Okay, that’s a lie but, only because I wanted to talk to you but... I wish he would’ve stayed... so that you could’ve been happy... even without me.”

“I could’ve never been happy without you... we would’ve worked it out eventually.” Zendaya smiled at her

“I’m sorry he had to go.”

“Me, too...”

 

All of the girl talk that Normani missed out on, she found again that night. Not new, fresh, day of information but, it still meant a lot to her. Plus, talking about much fun she had with Kai before he left seemed to make Zendaya feel a lot better.

She wasn’t sure if it was because they were talking about him, or if Zendaya was just happy to have her back, too, but she didn’t really care if she or Kai was the reason for Zendaya’s smiles... just that she was smiling was enough.

  
  


♞

***

_ “I know this is hard for you, Mani... take as much time as you need.” _

_ Lauren said, pulling Normani in tighter and kissing her on the forehead. _

_ She’d gotten there before Lauren had made it home, but Dinah let her in, when she got into the room Normani had the lights dim, and she was wrapped up in some covers. There’d been lots of episodes like this since the night of the fair, where Normani was so sad the weight of it crushed her. Made her too tired to go to work, made her too weak to feed herself, made her too sad to do anything except let Lauren wrap her arms around her and kiss her face until she’d fall asleep, and wake back up with a smile. Lauren was all too familiar with the routine at this point. _

_ “I don’t... I want to focus on you right now, though.” Normani said. _

_ “But you’re-” _

_ “I’m fine... my issues with Zendaya are my problem and you and I aren’t going anywhere right now so... I’d really like to just... focus on you right now.” _

_ “I would really like.. To make sure that you’re okay.”   
“I’m fine.” Normani moved a littler closer to Lauren. “Where are we with us now?” _

_ “We are... still figuring it out. The situation with Zendaya left us both a little... uncomfortable... Honestly, Mani, I’m not even sure you should be here now. You should be with her... You love her.” _

_ “No, it’s not that... well, it is that... Zennie and I operated as unit for so long. I knew she wasn’t my girlfriend but she... okay she was... we were a ‘we’ and when I saw her kissing him while she was mad at me it felt like we wouldn’t be a 'we' anymore. I know that we weren’t dating and never were but I also... I think she was just... we were a ‘we’ I don’t... I don’t know, Lauren. I’ve thought about it over and over and over, but I think somewhere along the lines of Zennie falling in love with me I just... I was already with her... and never realized... and never told her because I never realized because I’m clearly so oblivious to anything romantic... I don’t really think about things like that but you know... when I’m with Zendaya, and she’s holding my hand or stroking my hair or kissing my forehead or whatever... those aren’t the thing that are necessarily romantic about us... those things are only romantic if you put those connotations on them they just feel nice... but you know... what is romantic is... and I’ve been in love before, I know how it feels... what is romantic is how I feel about her... and I didn’t realize it before... but I do... but I... I don’t want to lose you, either so I’m... just trying to figure everything out. You and Zendaya don’t like each other, but I like her, and I kind of like you, and I need that to be... okay... is that selfish?” _

 

_ Lauren sat back. She took a few minutes to think about everything and gather her thoughts. _

_ “I think that polyamory is... incredibly valid, and I don’t feel terrible about it but... you’re right... I don’t like Zendaya, and she doesn’t like me.” _

_ “But that was because of me. You guys don’t have to fight over me. You guys can be friends.” _

_ “Yea but....”   
“Please try.” _

_ Lauren sighed “I will try but, she and I being friends doesn’t mean you get to keep both of us, Mani.” _

_ “I know it doesn’t... but I think you two being friends will be the first step to just me being... okay... with how I am... I didn’t know I was polyamorous... and I don’t like it. I feel like I’m being selfish and rude and-” _

_ “But that’s not how you are, Mani.” _

_ “I feel like a piece of shit for wanting both of you.” _

_ “If you were a piece of shit you’d never admit it, and you’d never try to be honest with me. You telling me everything about how you’re feeling... every step of the way whether it changes and you figure out you don’t have feelings for me or they grow, or whatever, as long as you’re letting me know, it’ll be okay... but I do need some time to figure everything out for me... I want to do that with you, though...” She smiled at Normani.  _

_ “As long as you want me to be here the whole time I will, and as soon as I feel something different, I will let you know, because I don’t want to lie to you, and I don’t want to lose you and... I’m trying my best to figure out everything and pay more attention to... me and other people... mainly you...” _

_ “I appreciate the effort.” _

***

Lauren closed her eyes remembering that night as the girl she loved was at home, waiting to talk to the girl _she_ loved, and she couldn’t help but feel a little bit like a fool. Polyamory is fine, and Lauren was fine with it in theory, but it was so much harder to deal with when the person you love is giving their time to someone else, trying to get someone else, even when they already have you. She couldn’t help but feel like she wasn’t good enough for Normani even though she knew if she told Normani that she’d insist it wasn’t true. She’d tell her that she wanted her to be happy, that she’d let go of either her or Zendaya whenever Lauren gave the word if she knew it would make her feel better... help her move on... she knew some days Normani wished Lauren would move on from her and be with someone who wouldn’t love someone else... but she couldn’t... not now, at least. So, she steadied herself. She wished Normani could be there to comfort her, but she told herself that if she couldn’t handle tonight she’d never be able to handle any night with this. She’d never be able to deal with Normani and Zendaya happening if she couldn’t get past this night.

 

She grabbed her phone.

-Miss u, N. Hope everything is going well. Text me in the morning please...

 

She took a deep breath and waited for Normani to reply. 

 

_ She’s probably too busy with her mouth on Zendaya’s to even text me back right now. She might not even have her phone. What if she never texts me back just because she’s busy and I work myself up thinking she doesn’t want me back or what if- _

 

-Miss you, too. I’ll bring you breakfast. Love you.

 

That relieved her a little bit. She knew she didn’t have to remind Normani that she existed. She knew she didn’t have to text her and ask for a text in the morning. She knew she should’ve probably just let the two of them be, but she had to. She was glad Normani texted back quickly. She knew Normani didn’t want her to feel alone tonight even though she technically was.

 

She looked over the message a hundred times hoping it would be morning very quickly and then she noticed something

Love you

 

_Love_ Lauren thought

 

Normani had told Lauren that she loved her before, and she still did, but Lauren couldn’t help wondering in the pit of her stomach which love she meant. She was happy with Normani. She knew that Normani wanted to be with her. She knew she liked her as much as she could at the given time... considering how long they’d known each other and Normani’s general capacity for liking people being pretty low, but she wanted Normani to love her. She felt bad about it, sure. She knew she couldn’t change Normani or make her love her and she knew that, at least for the time being, any lack of love wasn’t going to make her leave, but she still wanted it.

 

-Love you, too. See you in the morning.

 


	8. Tell Me How You Want It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to softestpink for betaing this chapter for me!

Lauren was exhausted to say the least. She never knew how much energy it would take to try and make herself comfortable with someone. The days that she spent with Zendaya felt forced, filled with fake smiles and bitter laughs where she couldn’t quite help but feel Normani trying so hard to close in the gaps between them. Zendaya, in contrast, was tired from losing Kai; Lauren could tell that much. 

 

“Okay, so, I’m going to go to the store to get us some food and you two just keep watching the movie.” Normani said, nervously.

“Sure, Mani.” Lauren said, nonchalantly, trying to stay focused when she knew that this was Normani’s what maybe... tenth attempt at getting them alone so that they could talk more?

 

Normani left quietly, and they both sat in awkward silence for a while. Zendaya pulled out her phone and started going through pictures, smiling softly, and Zendaya noticed who was in them.

 

“Is that you and Kai?”

Zendaya was taken back a bit, but she leaned in a little closer, nodding at Lauren. “Yea, this is the day before he left.”

“I can tell you really miss him. I know it must be hard trying all of this for Normani.”

“She’s doing her best. She’s confused, and she feels bad, she wants us to get along because she thinks it’ll make her feel better, but honestly... it won’t. You and I could be the best of friends, but she would still be afraid that loving both of us could also hurt both of us....”

“She has been a nervous wreck, honestly.”

“I know. She’s always doting on me and giving me attention 24/7 which is nice... there’s part of me, a very strong part of me that loves her very much, but apart of me that isn’t completely in control right now, absolutely loves it... but that part also knows that she’s doing it to over compensate... I feel bad, but I can really only focus on how much I miss Kai.”

“That’s fair. Normani told me he meant a lot to you.”

“I love that boy... even though he’s so far away. I mean, I still loved Normani while I loved him. So, I guess I’m probably polyam like Normani but... not nearly as aromantic as she is...”

“She said it’s more like... grey romantic? But leaning more towards aromantic. It’s hard to explain from her end, I think. I’m not sure she really understands it, either. I guess sometimes stuff like that is hard to piece together... especially when you don’t have many resources on it.” Lauren’s voice was small, and a little shaky.

Zendaya put her phone down and placed her hand over Lauren’s.

“I know... that we haven’t been the best of friends, but we are both going through this together. If Normani didn’t care about you she wouldn’t be trying to make both of us comfortable or even be friends.”

 

Lauren smiled softly at Zendaya, who squeezed her hand in response.

“We’ll be alright, girlie.” Zendaya said, smiling back at her.

 

And, for the first time in a long time, Lauren remembered that Zendaya was the very reason she even met Normani. That had to be something important, too.

 

♞

 

Zendaya was relieved that she and Lauren were finally getting along.  She knew that them being a little closer would help Normani feel a little more at ease, especially with how hard she was trying to get them to speak.

Kai leaving seemed to give her a little bit of a softer approach to Lauren. Whenever Normani left them alone she would purposely look over and smile, still not knowing exactly what to say. She’d hoped that even though she was drowning in her own mixed feelings she could offer Lauren a small amount of comfort. A soft shoulder. She tried to never shy away when Lauren asked her something even though she, awkwardly, never had anything to say herself, too busy being lost in her own thoughts to fully occupy the outside world. Lauren, in turn, had become more nervous toward her. She’d noticed it right away. It was as if Lauren had finally realized that she was an outsider treading on holy ground when it came to Zendaya and Normani. As if she realized that losing Zendaya also meant losing Normani, and for some reason she still couldn’t bring herself to let Normani go... even after all of this. Zendaya knew the feeling.

 

They left that night with Zendaya feeling much more at ease about what was happening between the three of them. Now, Lauren knew fully and openly that Zendaya supported her being there with them.She hoped that support would be helping keep her to stay, which she knew in the end would be good for Normani.

 

She felt like if she let Normani lose Lauren, then it’d be just like her losing Kai all over again. She also, for some odd reason, felt like her losing Kai was because she made a choice... so she was employing the idea of not making people choose. Maybe if she’d been honest instead of pushing down her feelings for Normani and focusing completely on Kai, because he was easier, then the universe could have let her keep both of them. She knew she couldn’t do that to herself, though. She knew she couldn’t keep herself tied down with the possibility of him being there due to some hopeless deeds of the past. Kai was gone, and he was probably not coming back. It was hard for her to not find someway to make it her fault. Then, the cosmos wouldn’t seem too cruel for dealing her this fate. Maybe there was some version of her who was happy with Normani and Kai, in some distant, parallel universe where she gets everything, and everyone she wants... but there was another problem with that, too.

 

She figured that the Zendaya in the other universe wasn’t so afraid of her feelings. She figured she had embraced her love for both of them, in full, and been honest, and giving, and _for_ giving. Maybe there was another one, though. One Zendaya who was all of those things, but her honesty caused her to lose both of the people she loved. Normani, happy with Lauren, never being able to love someone who couldn’t love her, alone, fully. Never having to deal with someone who couldn’t do that for her. Kai, going back to South Korea happily with no formal attachments except a newfound friend in Princeton who could visit him to dance every once in awhile. Only memories of the pretty girl who couldn’t love him enough sparsed through his brain. An easy tale to spill to his best friends Kyung Soo and Jong Dae... who of course, that Zendaya never learned about, because she lost him too early. She felt like, in terms of how close the different universes are, she was probably closer in proximity to the Latter Zendaya... so, she didn’t want to press her luck and lose both of them. She didn’t know that choosing would also mean she’d lose both of them. She lost Normani when she chose Kai. She lost Kai when he left. 

She couldn’t just let Normani fall to the same fate. After all, she knew how she felt. She knew what it was like... no matter how secretive she kept her feelings. Now, wading in a deep pool of regret and trying to count her mistakes like the drops in the pool, she felt weighted down by the stress of it even though it was technically completely over. She couldn’t make any more mistakes. No matter how inadvertently they affected other people.

 

♞

 

When Normani returned with food the energy in the room seemed to have shifted slightly. Zendaya and Lauren were still in their spaces, but their auras seemed relaxed into the same space instead of being held stringent in their own tight corners. She was relieved, maybe it meant they’d talked for a little while like she’d been hoping. When the night was over she and Zendaya drove Lauren home in silence. Leaving with her the trail of familiar, happy presence, and a sense that she was cared for and loved. Something she’d needed ever since that night on the ferris wheel. Normani and Zendaya drove back home in silence. Changed their clothes in silence. Laid in their beds in silence. Zendaya got up from her bed in silence, softly walked toward Normani’s in silence, carefully lifted the covers in silence, climbed into the bed in silence, put a warm hand around Normani’s waist in silence, and pulled her closer without saying a word. Normani felt like she’d melt, like being in Zendaya’s arms was the safest place she’d ever known. She sighed.

 

“I missed hearing that sound.” Zendaya whispered.

“Sorry for depriving you.” Normani said, in a quiet tone. “Did you and Lauren talk today while I was gone?”

“Yes. Well, I talked to her a lot, but I think I said stuff that she needed to hear. I tried my best to help.”

“I appreciate you for trying... I think I’m going to end up losing her. I don’t really know what to do.”

“Normani, she’s more afraid that she will end up losing you. She’s never been in this position before. She’s never had this before, and it means a lot to her. What she needs now, more than anything is just to know that you love her and you want her there. Just tell her... every time you think about it.

“I’m always thinking about it.” Normani laughed.

“Then let her know that you’re always thinking about it.” Zendaya nuzzled into Normani’s hair.

“You know I love you, right?”

“I know. I also know that it’s hard to break yourself from the compulsions of this... only one love culture that we have been brainwashed into believing in and asking for all our lives. When that’s challenged it gets hard...”

“I know. I know. I know.” Zendaya saw Normani’s eyes squeeze shut.

Zendaya kissed her forehead, and pulled her in closer.

“That’s not what I meant. I just want you to understand, because you’re so... oblivious to these things... you’re gonna need to reassure her. All of the time... touching, forehead kisses, reguar kisses, texts, even those corny voice messages. She’s new to this and doesn’t always know how to handle you. Her worldview is being challenged, her strength is being challenged, her love for you is being challenged... so please just try to make this as easy on her as possible.”

“I’ll try, but...”

“Normani... I know that you’re grey romantic. I don’t want that to change. I don’t want you to be any less you, and neither does Lauren for that matter. However, in order for this to work both of you have to compromise. She is going to have to learn that you don’t express your love that same that other people do... that you don’t even feel it the same way that they do. It’s a hurdle to get over that insecurity when we’ve been taught for so long that one specific way means love. She’s doing an okay job trying, too, but you’ve both got to try. It could be something as simple as holding her hand when you feel like it, or calling her pretty when you see her. It could be something as big as trying to makeout with her or even go on a date, but you both are going to have to compromise. You and her. It is going to take three people to make this work, but only two people can make you and Lauren work, and as much as I want this for you, I cannot be one of those people.”

 

Normani felt a little betrayed by those words... a little. 

On one hand she was grey romantic.. With a strong lean toward the grey. She didn’t even notice she liked her best friend until she kissed a boy. She didn’t even know her feelings for Lauren were something other than platonic until they kissed. She didn’t even know what her own feelings meant. How was she supposed to juggle that with someone else's? Then, why was _she_ expected to change just because Lauren couldn’t handle who she really was? A girl who rarely, if ever, experienced romantic attraction, and with that, had no idea how to express it to someone. Why couldn’t Lauren adapt? It was not Normani’s fault that Lauren was brainwashed to see one form of love as valid.

Another part of her, though, the part that cared more for Lauren than herself knew that Zendaya was right. It wasn’t about her changing to fit Lauren. It was about her and Lauren changing to fit each other, and as much as she’d carved out time for Zendaya and Lauren to get together, she knew she was barely carving out any time to try to show Lauren how she really felt... even if it was confusing for her at the time. 

 

The thing about this, and Zendaya, and Lauren all coinciding, was that Normani was learning a lot about her newfound identity, and she was enjoying it. It was hard to embrace the polyamorous part, but embracing the grey romantic or heck, even aromantic part of her was easy. She felt like she finally had something to explain how she felt, and it was a part of her that she never even knew existed. She was learning so much. She refused to be shamed for this identity. She refused to be made to change. She refused to deal with someone who wanted her to be romantic for their own sake, for their own heart, for their own security. She couldn’t feel or produce something that she didn’t possess and she felt empowered knowing that she didn’t have to feel bad about that.

The other part was Zendaya. The part of her that felt like friendship and romance were essentially the same thing. The part where she couldn’t distinguish between romantic and platonic... for a while. The part that only surfaced in a fit of jealous rage to reveal her true self to herself, her best friends, and Lauren. She knew without a doubt how she felt for Zendaya at this point. She knew she wanted to be with her. She felt like Zendaya was the goal that she had been aspiring for her whole life, not even realizing that she had already reached it. The part that she knew would bend or break for her at a moment’s notice and never, ever want her to change. Trusted, and true, and love.

Then, there was Lauren. The part that she didn’t know much about. The part where all she could she was uncertainty, and all she could feel was a wavering that she would leave. The part that was always nervous, and couldn’t feel out the hurt from the joy. Lauren seemed fleeting. She couldn’t deal with someone wanting her to change, but she also couldn’t deal with losing Lauren. Maybe one day Lauren could feel like Zendaya. Maybe one day she could feel equal but different. She has never had a concept of far and close feeling any more real than the other. Lauren was here, and she hurt, and felt like both the ecstasy and the regret of death all at the same time. Normani didn’t know what to do. She felt like compromise meant change, and change felt like... it felt like it meant she wasn’t proud of who she was. It felt like she wasn’t standing up for who she was. The opposite felt rigid. It felt like fear. It felt like she could lose someone she really cared about. It felt more like stubbornness than belief... and like her stubbornness was rooted in the idea that change meant losing herself... meant that she didn’t think that she was valid.

 

She sighed again

“I know this is hard for you, Mani. I know you’re trying.” Zendaya pulled her even closer which seemed impossible. “But hey... at the end of all of this at least you know you’ll have one girlfriend... we both know I’m in this for the long run, right?”

Now Normani was the one pulling Zendaya in, smiling big through the darkness of the night, and showing her teeth so Zendaya knew right where to kiss.

She leaned down, and pulled Normani in close. Breathing in deeply when Normani’s lips finally touched hers. Normani had thought of this moment. How it would feel, what she might say, what she might be thinking, what her eyes and hands would be doing. She couldn’t place it now, though.

 

Her mind was a meld of swirling mesh colors as Zendaya pressed their lips closer together. She seemed to have no control over the tiny sigh that escaped from her throat.. Sigh or moan.. She wasn’t sure, but she knew it meant she was enjoying what was happening. Her hands seemed to react instinctively, one placing itself lightly around Zendaya’s waist, and her fingers digging in. Her breath hastened and her mouth opened and their tongues touched, coily. She felt like she might be asleep, possibly in a trance, and unable to focus on anything, even the lips firmly pressed against hers. Her eyes squeezed closed and she was sure she was feeling what could only be described as a weird sensation of longing. The feeling that when this was over she would instantly want more; like absolutely any ending to this would be abrupt and unfulfilling. She felt like maybe the only truly fulfilling thing to do was keep kissing her.. Forever, maybe.

 

She pulled back, lingering a little, trying to focus on the face in front of her. Her body feeling tingly as she watched Zendaya take a few deep breaths, and calm down. She hoped that meant she liked it. She figured she’d only know if Zendaya tried to kiss her again.   
“Are we finally girlfriends now because I have been waiting for so freaking long, I swear.”

“And I’ve only been waiting for... about how many years?”   
Normani smiled. “Yea, sorry about that.”

Zendaya leaned in for another kiss “Don’t worry about it. You were worth the wait.”

  
  
  



End file.
